Sasha Answers: My friend copies my life and creeps on my men
Hi Sasha, I have a best friend, B, that I have known since our teens, we are in our late 20's now. We are like sisters. Although, in the last few years I feel like she has been copying my life... and in the process has hurt me.
I decided to go backpacking for a year about two years ago. B decided to surprise me and came to travel with me mid trip. I was excited initially, but, soon that excitement died. I had been seeing this really attractive guy I met before B had decided to crash my trip, for a little while and we went to meet him in another country after we were separated for a short time. To make things clear, myself and this guy, lets call him Z, were never serious, BUT we did travel to a different country on a sweaty small bus for 6 hours just so I could see him again as I was excited about him, and B was excited for me.
On our reunion night, the three of us went out. We had cocktails and reminisced and B met Z for the first time. Z and I got in a weird argument. The night wasn't going well because of this and I decided to take my ass home from the bar the three of us were at because I didn't want to argue with him anymore and figured we had just had too many drinks. In the morning, B told me with teary eyes that she slept with Z. I was devastated, not because of him, but because I could not believe my near sister like best friend could ever cross that line and do that to me, considering she knew how I felt about him. her behaviour around men is very unhealthy, she completely changes around men, and is a completely different person. She obsesses over them. What do you think? M
I’ve talked a lot about the importance of having a crew of ride or die homies in your life. You know, at least one female human you trust with everything you’ve got. And M, if we're talking about B then I think we have to put out a casting call for new friends, because she puts the beeeatch in BFF.
Now look, this obviously has nothing to do with this particular guy - I think we can all agree he wasn’t going to be the love of your life, so this really comes down to whether this was a one-off mistake or if this speaks to some larger trust issues in your friendship. In other words: is this girl super shady?
Honestly, I think only time will give you that answer because as you’re finding out, people and relationships can change A LOT after your teenage years. Sh-t, there are people back in the day that I couldn’t picture living without in my life, and now, I can’t believe I had anything in common with them – we’re that fundamentally different.
So M, I don’t think you need to make a decision right now, but what I would suggest is giving this friendship some time to breathe. You need that time to really see if you can forgive her and she needs that time to prove that she should be forgiven.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! xx