Sasha Answers: My friend is phasing me out
Hey Sasha, I need some friendship advice. I have a friend who has been in my life since we were children. I used to spend a lot of time with her. Since her husband's brother & sister-in-law moved to town 8 months ago, our visits have been getting fewer and farther between. We don't text much anymore. Every time I try to make plans, they already have plans with the bro and his wife. I want tell her that I think she's spending too much time with them, but that would make me a jealous asshole. On the other hand, saying nothing makes me feel resentful and I don't want to get phased out.
First thing T: You forgot the other option, which is just to be a normal human being and be honest with your friend. Seriously, it’s really that simple - ditch the passive aggressive sh-t and just let her know that you miss her.
I’m not saying that this situation wouldn’t hurt my feelings as well – no one wants to feel like they’re being replaced, but acting like a possessive ex-boyfriend isn’t going to do you any favours. I mean, c'mon, you can’t tell her to stop hanging out with these people - I mean, they’re her family after all. And T, if I can sense your resentment, then she sure as sh-t can as well, but the difference is I know why you feel like this and she doesn’t!
Look, I totally agree that she’s dropped the ball on the friendship, but I’m sure she’s not doing it on purpose. Sometimes when we get caught up in new things, new people, new experiences, we create blind spots in our lives; I’m not saying that’s cool, but it does happen. So T, call her up, let her know that you miss your hang time and that you want to see her more. If she’s your true friend, she’ll do everything she can to make it better. Trust me, I have a good feeling that this is going to work out. xx