Answers: My friend went behind my back

January 5, 2015 17:44:46 Posted at January 5, 2015 17:44:46
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha, I dated H for a few weeks and I liked him. Even though I thought things were going well, he suddenly wanted to be friends. I was confused and obviously disappointed, but c'est la vie. Fast forward a few weeks later where my friend R tells me that H reached out to her, supposedly, after he ended things with me, and they really feel like they have a strong connection. I was hurt that R lied to me and felt betrayed as she and H had been dating behind my back. I wish she would have just been upfront and honest from the moment H reached out to her, as at least I would have had some closure, and she wouldn't have lied to me for weeks.

It's been about a month now since that talk, and I have had no contact with R. Then today, out of the blue, she sends an email asking if I want to play in a sports league with her as well as asking to meet up. I'm not sure how to respond; I don't want to be friends with R, as she's proven she's not a good friend. However, because she's reached out to me, if I say I don't want to be friends, I look like a giant bitch.  


You owe her jack sh-t.

Seriously D, I don’t think you need to spend another second trying to figure out how to make her feel comfortable or work on any kind of damage control when she’s the one who shat on everything.

Here’s the issue for me:

Obviously, it’s always sh-tty to start dating your friend's ex, but in this case, the thing is D, it’s not like you were with this guy for long. I mean, I don’t think a few dates means you can put him in lockdown mode. Had she (wo)manned up and let you know she wanted a shake then, yes, while it would have stung a bit, I’m sure you would have worked it out. The problem is she didn’t do that. Instead she lied and creeped behind your back. No matter how you slice it, that’s some low-down shade.

Here's the good and simple news: if you don’t want to be friends with her then don’t be friends with her. I know you’re worried about being a bitch, but being straight up and honest does not make you one. Just let her know, wish her well and move the hell on.

Last note: her actions should not affect what you do. If you want to play on that sports team, play on that team. If you want to go to a party that’s she’ll be at – go to the damn party. My key message is: don’t let her f-ck up f-ck you up. Got it?

Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to

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