Sasha Answers: My friends hate my boyfriend
Kevin Mazur/ Getty
Hi Sasha, My boyfriend and I broke up a couple times before because he was a complete asshole to me. My friends were always there for me and they grew to hate his guts for how he treated me. My ex and I got back together 4 months ago. We were apart for about 10 months and I feel he’s really changed. Things have been going really well between us. Now my problem is I’ve been making up a lot of excuses when my friends want to hang out. I feel like crap for lying to my friends to spend time with my boyfriend, and the easiest way would be for us all to hang out together, but thing is, my friends straight up hate him. I’m very nervous to tell them we’re back together … any advice for me? J
When you see a friend in a really bad place in their relationship, you woman-up like a solider to march alongside them and essentially, you do and say and be whatever they need. You’re right in the dirty ass trenches trying to save their life. So J, when something like this happens, you know, when they’ve put in all that work, expended all that emotional energy to help you with your problems only to find out that you’ve gone back to the enemy, well, sh-t, it's no surprise that they'll be pissed. So here’s the deal J, just because you’ve taken your man back, doesn’t mean that your friends have to too.
So first things first: you’ve gotta come clean and tell them you’re back with your ex. I mean, I wish you’d been upfront with them about this earlier instead of lying to their asses for months, but f-ck it, it’s too late now, so dude, rip that sh-t off like a Band-Aid and tell them.
Are they going to hate him for a while? Yes. Will it suck for you? Yes. But unfortunately that’s the carnage of a situation like this. Remember, your friends are just looking out for you and they have to build their trust back up with this guy, just like you do. So J, here's a nugget to gnaw on...
While I’m happy to hear that you and your boyfriend are in a good place right now, I want to make sure that you're still keeping one eye open. I don’t know what he did to you, but I just want you to be fully aware. I’m not saying that you can never move on, but he’s gotta do some serious double time in order to bring you back to a place of trust. That’s on him, not on you.
Look, at the end of the day your friends just want you to be happy, and if you truly are, then chances are that they’ll eventually come back around.
Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org.