Sasha Answers: My money-bragger friend
Hi Sasha, One of my best friends is a great girl - intelligent, funny, we have so many interests and hobbies in common, and I've always been able to depend on her. However, her dad passed away almost a year and a half ago, and as his only child, he left her everything - land, houses, money. And it's all gone straight to her head. Like so bad it makes me uncomfortable and I'm even embarrassed sometimes by what she says. When her dad passed away she said to me, "Can you believe I'm a millionaire now?" And she is constantly saying things like, "I discovered a new bank account this weekend and it has ten thousand in it", or the land I own makes me this "this much" money a year, or I have all these stocks and bonds now and vehicles.
This past weekend though she was extra inappropriate and rude about it. Conversation goes on and turns to my fiance's stag. We are getting married in Vegas later this year and they were planning to have my fiance's stag there the first night we're all in Vegas, and maybe go to the exotic cars race track. My friend said "You need a high credit card limit to race those cars and none of you guys have a high enough credit card limit, but mine is high enough to race there." Again, I thought, wtf! The day after that we went shopping. We went into a boutique and I saw some bags I really liked. I asked the sales person how much they were and she said they were about $100 each (which to me isn't cheap, nor is it crazy expensive either). My friend literally said, "I must be a snob because I would never spend so little on a bag." I was furious because first of all, I work hard for the money I do have and am not about to blow it on designer bags, and secondly, even if you do think that, why would you say it out loud? Sasha, what do I do?
We’ve heard it before: If you need to keep telling someone how great and amazing you are then you clearly don’t feel that great and amazing. S, I think this applies directly to what’s going on with your friend right now.
Instead of actually dealing with, and facing the loss of her father, she’s been band-aiding her pain with a butt-load of cash. Either it’s a tangible way to prove that her father really did love her or it’s just a way to deflect the sadness -- chances are it’s a bit of both. Having said all that though, no matter what hardships she is going through, it doesn’t null and void the fact that she's being an asshole.
My first piece of advice would be to totally ignore her comments – let them fall flat into a field of crickets. But, if you’ve tried that - and I’m guessing you have - then I think you have no other choice but to call her out. The next time she lays down another materialistic comment, I’d simply ask her why she's doing it and how she expects you to take that? Is the idea that you’re poor and gross? Seriously, turn the comment right back on her - give her no choice but to answer for her sh-ttiness.
Look I feel bad that her father has passed; I really can’t imagine how difficult that is, but again, that doesn’t give her a free pass to be a sucky person.
Hope this helps! xx And keep your LIFE + STYLE questions rolling into me at firstname.lastname@example.org.