Sasha Answers: My sister, our roommate
Dear Sasha,My sister’s staying with my fiancé and me until… well, until we figure something else out… She moved out of our mom’s because otherwise they’d most likely kill each other, and she’s got some heavy drama with her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, so she’s been staying with us for the past couple of months… The problem is, my fiancé wants her out. She’s not necessarily doing anything to piss him off, but we’ve only been engaged for about three months now, and he wants us to have our intimacy. Especially because there is no foreseeable change to the situation. The thing is, my sister dropped out of high school and is currently “figuring out what to do in life”. I don’t want to push too hard right now, but I’m trying to make her understand that she needs to get her degree, and possibly go to college, so that she has options in case whatever plan A she comes up with doesn’t work out. She can be hard to deal with at times, but she really means no harm, so now I’m just caught in the middle. I understand my fiancé’s reaction and I want to have his back, but she’s my little sister, I can’t just kick her out or give her an ultimatum to sort out her life cause I don’t want her to feel like she’s not wanted here… any suggestion on how to handle this?
The first week I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) was also the very same week my sister moved to town. New to the city, she had nowhere to stay so the plan was to shack up with me until she found a place. After a couple weeks went by, my man who barely knew my sis at this point started laying down some dickish passive aggressive pressure.
Just like you T, I was totally caught in the middle – I was so excited about this new step in my relationship and equally so excited that my sis was in the same city, but all I felt was MAJOR stress. Long story short, she felt the vibe, and within a week she bounced.
To this day I vomit up guilt.
So here’s what you should do slash what I wish I would have done – take notes, T. Tell your guy to shut his pie hole. Let him know that your family is now his family and no temporary inconvenience trumps that. If that means everyone’s spooning in the same goddamn bed well then cozy the f-ck up, ya dig?
Look, I get that your sister can’t stay there forever and I understand it’s not the most ideal living situation but it is what it is. If she needs a couple more months to figure out her sh-t then give her that in the most supportive environment you can.
T, you and I are SO lucky to have sisters we love. Trust me, savour this time and enjoy it while you can because chances are it will be the last time you guys spend this much time together.
Update: Don’t worry, I didn’t marry a complete asshole. My sister and husband are super tight now, so much so that they’d rather hang out with each other than with me – I couldn't be happier.