Sasha Answers: One Giant Tough Love Pill
Sasha, so as a quick background, my ex-boyfriend, M and I dated on and off for 4-5 years (2003-2008-ish). When we were living in the same place our relationship was really great, but quickly deteriorated when we dated long distance (I was in the states, he was in Asia). Two years in to our relationship and 3-months in to the long distance, he cheated, we broke up, he apologized profusely, we got back together...separated again several months later b/c the distance was too much to overcome...then we started to reconnect after a year-long separation. He flew to Seattle and spent two weeks with me; we made plans to spend the holidays at his parents house (also in the states) four weeks later. Three days before my flight was to arrive at his parents house, he called and told me it was not a good idea for me to come. I finally got him to admit that he met someone else during the three week separation and that's why he didn't want me to come. I was really upset that I let him back in my life again and that he broke my heart again. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
So I told him that was it, he hurt me for the last time and I never wanted to speak to him again. It was a surprisingly calm, rational conversation. He understood, obviously, and we left it at that. Fast forward almost 4 years, I get an fb email from him and a friend request. "I have been thinking about you. Hope you are well...hope to hear from you...blah, blah, blah". So what should I do? Ignore/respond/accept friend request only? A
Straight up ignore the fool.
I can’t stand dudes like this. They are the worst. They’re the kind that never grow up and still think that they can work their game on you the way they could back in the day. And A, I can’t let you go down like that. I know he’s the one you wished you could have changed and I know you saw the potential in him, but trust me, you got rid of that sh-t stain for a reason so don’t go back into the bowels of despair.
While it might feel good to know that he’s thinking about you after all these years, don’t get suckered into it because the reality is that buddy is just desperate for action and attention. The only reason he’s knocking at your door is because every other woman out there has given him the shaft, so after weighing his odds he’s decided that you’re the easiest one to convince. I know I’m shoving one giant tough love pill down your throat here, but I can smell player stank from a mile away. So do yourself a favor, hit the ignore button and don’t look back.