Sasha Answers: Relationship comparisons
Hi Sasha A few years ago I did something I am really not proud of: I made out with my ex the problem is that I had a perfect boyfriend. I told him what happened and lucky for me, he forgave. We are still together, and I have to say, we have a solid relationship. I don't take it for granted and count my blessings every day that he gave me a second chance. My question to you is, how to I stop myself from comparing our relationship to other people's? Being around great couples who can count fidelity among their triumphs often reminds me of the mistake I made, and I feel that my partner deserves better. It sucks. Please help. Thanks, J
You know how I feel about cheating: it shows weak character and selfish behavior. But J, you’re one of the lucky ones, you have a partner who was willing to forgive you and move on. Frankly, if I were you, I’d be jumping for f-cking joy.
Now, on to this "comparing relationship" bullsh-t: quite simply, it's a big waste of time. You’re not them, you never will be, and you don’t have to have cheated to have a totally jacked relationship.
Sure, some of them may have strong healthy relationships and you can use that as motivation but let's get real -- many of the couples that you're idolizing have relationships that are riddled with crazy sh-t too. The point is, this line of thinking is futile; it doesn’t do anything for you. So instead of putting your energy into what others are doing, why don’t you put it towards your own relationship?
Listen, if you want this to work, if you want it for the long haul, then you’re going to need to put the effort into the right things. You’ve done a disservice to the relationship once, so it’s not fair to stand in the way of it again. Bottom line is if you actually believe he deserves better, well, then you have two choices:
1. Stop giving him the weak version of you.
2. Let him go.
Decision is up to you.
Thanks for writing in and keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org