Sasha Answers: Separated from his friends
Hi Sasha, My boyfriend is a bartender. He's a charmer at heart. We've dated for almost three years and even before we started dating, I knew that he had pretty female friends. I knew he saw them as just friends (at least he said he does) but he would routinely go out for drinks with just an individual female friend. He did that a lot because his friend circle consisted mainly of females. Also, when I don't see him for four days and he hasn't asked to hang out because he says he has plans already, why isn't he missing me more when all I want to do is spend time with him. Am I going crazy?
There seems to be some emotional deflection happening here because it’s clear to me that the problem isn't the relationship with his friends, but rather the relationship he has with you.
Girls, guys, whatever, he’s allowed to have a social life beyond his dating life, but what's strange to me is the separation between you and his friend group. I'm not saying that you should be invited out all of the time, but if you’re actually a part of this dude's life then it’s only reasonable that you're occasionally a part of it. Your current status seems to be: in the dark. That’s not ideal.
Another big ass red flag is that you guys have been dating for three years, but you only see each other every 4 days?! What the sh-t is that all about - is your relationship not that serious or is it not being taken seriously? If it's the latter, then if I were you I would start taking some control and start setting some standards for what you want this relationship to be. And jeez, let’s start with the bare f-cking minimum: seeing each other. F-ck, I mean, that’s some basic level sh-t in a relationship and if he’s not willing to do it then, I'd say, bounce.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! xx