Sasha Answers: Several years of bad (long distance) luck
Hi Sasha, I was hoping to get your advice regarding my long-term long distance relationship. Quick background info: we met when he was working here on a visa and hit it off right away. When his visa expired (about 7 mos later) he decided to do the right thing and go back to Europe and reapply to come back. Unfortunately we've been plagued by bad luck since he left - his grandmother passed, he got into a car wreck, now he has a medical condition that's requiring treatment - and several years have gone by since he left Canada. We talk every day but there's no timeframe for his return.
My question is this: how long is too long to keep it going? Am I just lame for waiting and waiting and waiting? Thanks for your help! F
Long distance relationships are hard to pull off even when everything is working in your favor, so F, I don’t want to be a buzz kill here, but all this “several years of bad luck” stuff, well, it doesn’t sound all that reassuring.
At the end of the day though you have to figure out what this is all worth; what are you really getting out of it? If he fulfills you like no other man you’ve ever dated, then sh-t, keep going – more power to you. But if this has become some sort of long lost pen pal thing, then what the f-ck is the point?
You’ve obviously been a very patient and supportive girlfriend, but in order for this relationship to have a future there needs to be a plan. I know he’s had a lot of setbacks, fine, but if there’s no significant plan for his return to Canada then honestly…something gotta give and F, I just don’t buy the fact that he can’t give you an answer.
To me this just sounds a bit like a safety blanket relationship. You know? You have someone who will always pick up and listen to your problems, you get to say I love you, and you don’t feel alone. Seems good and fine BUT where’s the real commitment in all of this? You know just as well as I do that in order for you two to have a healthy, satisfying relationship you need to live in the same city.
I know I’m coming off a tad harsh, but this “several years” thing is tipping me off. I have a feeling there’s a little bit of embarrassment behind it because you didn't tell me the exact amount of time that's gone by. We’re not talking two or even three years are we...we’re up to four or five, right? If that’s the case F, you need to start getting real with yourself because if you don’t, I fear that something called life might be passing you by…
Keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming here.