Sasha Answers: Should I believe him?

March 27, 2012 18:53:06 Posted at March 27, 2012 18:53:06
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha I have been with my current boyfriend (T) for almost a year now.  When we first got together, he had only broken up with his fiancee three months prior and I was actually still in a relationship: I left my previous boyfriend to be with him.  Six months later, T wanted me to move across the country to live with him.  It was a rash decision and I did.  I had a family emergency a couple months later and was away for about a month.  When i got back, I noticed a few things.  He has tons of pictures of his ex, which are still public on his google album and facebook.  He also took calls from his strictly platonic female friend at midnight, which I found more rude than anything.  One night, I decided to snoop on his iphone and what I saw broke my heart.  He emailed and saw her on multiple occasions from September to December.  He helped her buy stereos, he drafted letters for her work for her, he also saw "Midnight in Paris" with her.  On the day they had set a wedding date, he emailed "You remain on my mind today (and everyday). Your letter really got to me. I'd like to talk." He even saw her the day after thanksgiving, a meal which I slaved over and he said he couldn't fly home for because he had to work the next day.  That was a total lie: he saw her that friday.  

There were also emails in his draft folder, saying how he was a better person when he was with her and he is trying to find his way back to her.  Judging from the emails, their last meeting was in December, at his behest.  I felt so livid and betrayed.  He said all he was doing was trying to maintain a friendship with her and he chose to be with me.  He said he never told me because he thought it would hurt my feelings.  He said because they were drafts, I had no right to get upset about the emails, even if he did reread them and "tweak" them over the months.  At this point, I feel like he's lying to himself.  He is entitled to feel however he wants about his ex, but he shouldn't be dating me if those are his feelings.  I don't know if he actually chose me, or just used me as a rebound.  I'm wondering if I should even consider believing him. A

Are you f-cking with me?  A, how and why are you even giving this ass-face the benefit of the doubt when everything you’ve seen, WITH YOUR OWN EYES, is telling you that he’s being a slimy, disgusting, gross asshole?  
I don’t get this at all.  I mean, what else needs to happen for you to clue in to the fact that he’s taking the piss out of you.  He’s constantly lying, he clearly has feelings for his ex, and oh yeah, did I mention, he doesn’t care how any of this makes you feel?  And Holy sh-t, I wanted to reach through the computer screen and maul his balls when I read that his defense to those drafts letters meant nothing because he didn’t actually send them. The f*ck?!
I could keep ranting and raving about what an a-hole this guy is, but really A, this comes down to you.  At a certain point you need to have enough respect for yourself to demand more from the people you invite into your life.  A, think about your best friend, your mom, your sister, any woman that you care deeply for: would you ever want them in a relationship like yours? Really?  Think about it, with everything you know now, would you still encourage them to stay?  Dear God, I hope not.
Respect and trust are the two most important elements to a healthy relationship and A, right now you are 0 for 2.    

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