Sasha Answers: Should I move for my actor boyfriend?
So my boyfriend of 3 years, whom I live with, is an actor. Things between us are really serious, we're very in love and have a great relationship, always have. Unfortunately because of his strange and awesome occupation, he feels he needs to move to Toronto for his career and I don't disagree, I completely understand that Toronto is where most of the work is. HOWEVER (and this is just my personal opinion) - I really, really don't like Toronto.
My BF wants me to move with him to Toronto. I am so torn. On one hand, I love him and want to spend my life with him and support him, and be with him where ever he goes. On the other hand, I told myself I would never change my life for a man or follow a man around.
Am I being a complete bitch for not going with him? Staying here without him feels wrong, and yet the idea of moving there makes me panic. I can't tell if I'm being selfish or true to myself. Help.
If you want to be an autonomous, solely independent, liberated woman then what the f-ck are you doing in a relationship? Seriously. Because sh-t, the last I checked, being in a relationship is all about annoying compromises, joint decisions and never ever being allowed to do anything without the other person knowing. It’s just the glorious price you pay for not having to be physically alone.
So L, when you say: "I told myself I would never change my life for a man"....well, that’s makes limited sense to me because in order to be in a relationship you have to change aspects of your life, you have to adapt to different circumstances and you have to make sacrifices in order to share your life with another person. Thems the breaks. The reason that I’m harping on this point is so that you don’t blur the line between a relationship changing your life and a relationship changing YOU. There’s a big difference and from what I sense, we’re not dealing with the latter at all.
Ok, so with that of the way let’s tackle the should-you-or-shouldn’t-you move question...
Look, I could weigh all the pros and cons and I could try to sell you on how I’ve personally grown to love living in Toronto, but you really won’t know what it’s like until you live it yourself. So yes L, the short and long of it is that I think you should give it a go. Paving a new path can be a really exciting thing for a couple and if you guys can negotiate a probational move with plans to re-evaluate in a year or two then why the f-ck not? Had you expressed to me that part of your hesitation was because you’d be leaving your own amazing career behind, well, then I would have offered up different advice, but if the only thing holding you back is fear then I say f-ck the fear and go for it. It won’t be easy, you will f-cking hate it at times, but if you’re in it together then it will make the transition a lot easier.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx
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