Sasha Answers: Should I nag?
Hi Sasha, My guy and I are recently married but have been living together for years. He was super busy with school for a long time so I shouldered the majority (all) the housework/life planning while working so he could get his education. Now, he's done and also working full time. The problem is I'm still doing all the housework/life planning.
I ask him for help and sometimes give him specific tasks and I hear a lot of "Yeah, later" but it never gets done. Even simple things like the trash I end up doing two days later. I don't want to turn into a nagging wife but I also don't want to be his maid or his mother.
How can I get him to give me more support without nagging him? I'm exhausted of being responsible for everything and I don't want to become resentful. Help!
It really concerns me to think that some of you rad chicks out there have ended up marrying someone without them knowing what kind of kung fu madness you can bring. Like, how is it possible that before saying your vows he hasn’t seen you drop kick his ass for all the annoying and lazy sh-t he does? In my opinion, dude should know the 411 by now.
And I’ve gotta say, I really despise the word “nagging”. It’s not nagging when you ask someone to do a basic human skill like clean, you know? And sh-t S, while you’re worried about sounding like a cow, it’s not like he’s sitting there worrying and feeling guilty for his sloppy ass... when he totally should be!!!!! Point is, you shouldn’t be pulling all the weight and he needs to know that.
So here’s what you need to do:
Step 1: Have a calm conversation about how you feel. Tell him that you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s not fair and that you need his support.
Step 2: Pull back the reins on doing everything. So if that means the garbage builds up for an entire week, then so be it. Buddy knows that you’ll do it if he doesn’t, so make it clear that if he doesn’t do his tasks then they ain’t getting done. Unless he’s totally disgusting and sick he should catch on quick.
Step 3: If he still doesn’t change then it’s time to freak the f-ck out. I don’t know about you, but in my relationship there are certain emotional stages. My man can ignore the first few, but if he dicks around too long and sees that I’m bubbling to my nuclear notch, then sh-t is about to get primal. It’s like seeing an animal in the wild – it’s so rare and beautiful yet so terrifying at the same time. So S, if you have to bring out the big guns, fine, fire away.
Keep me posted and keep your life and style questions coming at me here xx