Sasha Answers: Should I support my friend's careers?
Sasha, one of my best friends sells some lovely, but highly overpriced (in my humble opinion) fashion jewelry from company. I am a cheap bitch for sure, and I know that many ladies really like this jewelry but I just can’t stomach paying $175 for a necklace.
Anyway, she asked me to hold a trunk show last year and I did, feeling like I owed it to her to support her as this is the main source of her income, but it was a pain for me and I didn’t want to do it again.
Fast forward and now she’s asking me to host another one and I absolutely do not want to. And actually, she didn’t even ask, she stated, “So when are you hosting your trunk show?” It’s making me feel very pressured to “perform” for her and ergo her potential monthly income. I have zero desire to do so. And the people I know do not really have the exposable income necessary to pop out what I consider serious cash for fashion jewelry. But I mean, I love her, she’s my friend, so I’m torn.
On the one hand, I am not, not, not a salesperson. I hate the idea of selling. I know this colors my perception of what she does for a living because it feels very flaky. I don’t feel like this for all salespeople because I know there’s serious cash to be made in sales, but this to me feels like something one should at most do as a side job not as a main source of income. We are both mid-30s, and I do not want to be held responsible for my friend’s “success” when she could just as easily be pragmatic too and get a real job. But since she comes from money her dad will always bail her out. She never has to worry about really considering where her paycheck will come from when he can always help her. She's sensitive and sometimes so fragile and needy. I want her to know I love her, I believe in her, but that's different than actively having to support her in this way. T
I’ve gotta put you on blast T, because I’m sniffing a whole bunch of resentment coming from you and frankly, it’s not a good look.
Listen, had you told me that putting on these trunk shows was not only expensive but just straight up a time waster then yes, 100%, I would've told you to be upfront and tell her the honest truth that you don’t want to host them any longer. Done and done.
But that’s not really the case, is it? Sure, they’re annoying, but isn’t doing anything for anyone kind of annoying? That’s not my point though; my point is that 99% of your letter is all about how you don’t value her job, how you don’t like how she spends her money and basically that you don’t want to help her succeed. Dude, I didn't make that up, you actually said it.
Come on T, all I’m asking here is that you own up to it because once you can do that we can re-evaluate this situation with some honesty. Look, the way I see it is that this has diddly squat sh-t to do with these trunkshows – host them or don’t host them, I don’t care. That’s not going to make a good friendship; what will, though, is truly supporting and rooting her on. So T, it’s time to dig deep and work through why you’re being so damn judgy. Once you do that, then come back and read my answer again and I think you’ll see what I’m seeing.
Thanks for writing in! xx