Sasha Answers: The other woman is his phone
I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He is ALWAYS on his phone. Not talking on it – just looking at it (texting, instagram, facebook, ebay, craigslist, motorcycle blogs….). I trust him and don’t think he’s physically cheating on me (maybe he’s sending flirty messages to old flames though – who knows!?) – but I get really jealous of all the time he spends on that damn phone! I have told him this, but it hasn’t changed. I made the mistake of going through his phone text messages out of curiosity (wanting to know what is soooo engaging!?) and didn’t find anything terrible. I have 2 problems: #1, I’m still tempted to sneak a look in his phone because it still bugs me/ makes me want to know what he is doing on it so much! Is this terrible or do I have a right to feel this way? #2 What can I do to get him to put his phone down? He’s not very receptive to facilitating my ‘emotional requests’, so this is a big challenge. Thanks, D
Remember the time you could just hang with your friends and talk without any distractions? Sounds so simple, but it’s near impossible now without someone instagramming the food on your plate, re-tweeting a compliment you just gave them, or facebooking about the great workout they’re about to have. Ugh. It’s just too much unsolicited information all the goddamn time.
And D it’s obvious your man has been sucked into this vortex, but I have to say that I think there’s something more at play than just his love for the glow of his screen. I can’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, your relationship is a bit boring. Don’t you think that if there was something more meaningful or exciting going on he wouldn’t be surfing the web all day? And sh-t, obviously nothing is stimulating you either because look at what you’re doing…… you’re staring at a person staring at his phone. That sounds like a whole lot of NO fun.
So instead of sitting on the couch and getting more insecure by the day why don’t you guys get up and actually do something together. Go to a movie, go out for dinner, god, just go on a walk – find stuff to do that will keep his hands and mind off his phone. Now if that still doesn’t change his behavior then hey, maybe the two of you just aren’t a good match. I know it’s tough to break up with someone, especially if they’re “nice enough”, but why stick it out with someone if they’re just mediocre.
Point is, something’s gotta give. Relationships are a total balancing act and if only one of you is checked in, it really doesn’t matter how hard you work at it, it’s going to fail. And not only that, a bad relationship will change you. And D, if you look at yourself right now do you really want to be THAT girl – the one who’s jealous and insecure all the time? It’s not a good look. So before you lose yourself lose the relationship.
Hope this helps and keep sending your LIFE + STYLE questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org