Sasha Answers: The sex sucks

April 21, 2014 17:08:11 Posted at April 21, 2014 17:08:11
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Hi Sasha, I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now. It is kind of a temporary situation, which we both knew going into it as I will be moving abroad shortly. In the meantime though, we recently started sleeping together, and have probably slept together about 6 times. I'm 22 and he's 25, and both of us have had long-term relationships in the past (with my ex the sex was aammaazzzingg), so I thought he'd know what he's doing in the sack. Apparently not. Every single time we do it it's just straight up missionary for like 3 minutes, no foreplay, etc. As long as he's ready to go he just goes for it, giving no thought to whether or not i'm prepared/ enjoying myself, and once he finishes we're done. I've just been letting it happen, thinking that since it's a new relationship and everything we just need time to get to know each other and develop chemistry in that way. But now that this has happened EVERY single time, I'm starting to get mad. I feel like my pleasure isn't a priority at all, or even remotely important, and all that matters is him. Even though I'm leaving soon, life is too short for shitty sex. Do I bother telling him?

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Well, you've just answered the question yourself. Life is too short to have sh-tty sex. Especially when it’s just a fleeting f-ck, so A if the dude isn’t being a team player, I’d call a time-out and let him know what’s up. 

There’s no doubt this guy is seriously lacking in the skills department, but you can’t necessarily assume that he’s just being some selfish prick about it all. Maybe his last girlfriend sucked in the sack too or maybe she was too shy to speak up. We were all bad when we started out, so A, while I know you’re all backed up and irritated, if you want this to work to your benefit you’re going to have to come at this a bit more chill.

First off all, don’t fake it. Never. Ever. Fake. It. Even if you think it will egg him on, don’t do it because all that does is give him false hope that he’s doing it right. I know, I know, we've all done it before, but it’s such a f-cked up thing we've asked ourselves as women to do. We have a whole generation of women who accept sex as simply a part of life that must be attended to, something that will  provide the intimacy we all desire and deserve, but at the cost of what? Three pumps of awkwardness. No thanks. 

So A, the easy and most effective solution to all of this is to tell him straight up how you feel. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you want and if that means some self-demo and/or vocal coaching and encouragement from the sidelines - do what you need to do. Here’s hoping he’ll get the cues and start putting in some elbow grease.

I'll leave you with some motivation....

Thanks for writing in!  Keep your life and style questions coming my way to sasha@laineygossip.com

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