Sasha Answers: Was I too desperate?
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Sasha, There's a guy I went to college with that I had the biggest crush on (most attractive person I've ever met, huge ego to boot of course) and we'd flirt at parties but he was way out of my league. I recently bumped into him one night this past summer and and he asked for my number - I was ecstatic, to say the least. He even said we had at least a year together since he was moving to Boston next year. We texted for a few weeks trying to plan a date and after a few failed attempts spontaneously met up for drinks at a fancy hotel. We both had dinner plans so we met up again after, but it was late - 2am. We just sat at a bar talking and kissing and it was the most innocent, romantic two hours. After that I invited him to my housewarming party (he knows my roommate from college, too) the next weekend and he said he'd be there. He didn't show up, I tried to play it cool but eventually broke and asked him why ... and he never replied. I went a little insane after, but as fate would have it I bumped into him again the next weekend. I acted pretty clingy unfortunately but everything seemed normal and he asked to get drinks again since he was getting out of work early that week. He reminded me to stay free when I was getting in the cab at the end of the night, so I thought things were back on. I waited until Thursday and then dropped him a casual text and we texted back and forth for a bit about mundane stuff like work.. and then he didn't reply again. And now it's been a month.. Was I wrong to see him at 2am? Was I too desperate? I don't understand and it's killing me. Help!
I don’t know why we tend to shame ourselves for being normal, open, trusting humans. It makes no sense to me, but J I’m here to tell you that you are not at fault.
You’re not a bad person for wanting to get it on at 2am, you’re not a loser for taking in the signals of interest he threw your way, and you’re not desperate for wanting someone to text you back while in mid-text-conversation (!!!!!). The point is he’s the one who is an asshole, not you.
Listen, I know you want to try and make sense of it all, but I don’t know the dude - and evidently nor do you - so who knows what kind of bullsh-t he has going on in his life. What I can tell you however is that you've been duped.
We’ve all been there and it sucks, but right now is a pivotal point and I’ll tell you why: I see women in these situations all the time. Instead of being fueled by self-worth they are fueled by self-doubt, and what ends up happening is they spend months and months wasting their time trying to convince someone who is simply not interested. At the end of the day the only thing they’ve accomplished is prolonging the rejection process. Masochism, anyone?
Look J, all you need to know is that buddy isn’t interested in anything meaningful with you. There’s your answer. You don’t need to investigate anymore. It is what it is. So do yourself a favor, know that you deserve better and move the f-ck on.
Hope this helps and keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming my way to email@example.com