Sasha Answers: When he takes off in the middle of the night
It's 6 am. I am a mess cause I've been crying for an hour, and desperately need some advice.
A and I had a somewhat fast tracked/intense relationship, dropping the L bomb within the first 3 months. A few weeks back we started talking about the prospect of living together and the last time I brought the topic up he started acting weird... saying it was too early, (a fact only brought up when I was drunk and seemed like nothing too big), and now he's been sketchy and casually falling off the face of the earth. We tend to hangout a lot (5ish times/week (I should also note he works in the bar industry and I work a flexible 9-5. I only mention this because his work schedule is all over the map, and most often than not it's me accommodating hangouts around his schedule, which is fine) but over the last few months its progressively become a group-hang setting 99% of the time, and I need some quality alone time with my man...
I am a leo, I am a passionate lover. I don't want him to think I'm suffocating him (I love his face dearly, and just want to hang out with the man!), but his latest antics, like coming back to my place after seeeeeveral drinks at our friends place, we made snacks and sorta watched a movie, until at 1:30 I said I would be going to bed and he said he would follow shortly... Woke up at 5 am, to find an empty house... He changed his shirt (left me the dirty one) and is nowhere to be found and neither was his bike. Am I tripping out? I know the honeymoon don't last foreva, but am I missing the mark on something?
I’ve basically had the exact same thing happen to me. I was dating a guy for a couple of years and one night we were just hanging out at my place and as I was getting ready to go to sleep, he told me that he had to get something from his car and he’d be right back. Cut to me waking up at 3am in the morning and he was nowhere to be found. His computer was still plugged in beside me, his bag was still on the floor, but buddy was MIA. After hours of panic and repeated calls, he finally called me at 10am… the next morning. No explanation. No sorrys. Zip. The f-ck?!
The reason I tell you all of this is because I need you to learn from my mistake. For some tweaked out reason I totally forgave him. I somehow rationalized that his behavior was normal; however what was worse is that I pretended, or rather ignored, his shady behavior as if it was a one-off when in fact there had been months and months of similar behavior.
So let me summarize this for you: what your boyfriend just did was f-cked up. Unless Michael Jackson rose from the dead, threw him over his back and moonwalked his ass out of your house …. that is simply unacceptable sh-t.
So it’s time to get real and have a heart to heart with yourself. Are you sure this guy is all that great? Is he really the one you should be committing too? Does he actually treat you well? Are you sure you’re not just settling for fear of being single?
S, if a guy really likes you, the idea of liking you more shouldn’t freak him out. I don’t want to sound harsh, but it does seem to me that he’s not super into the relationship anymore. I know it may hurt to hear, but what will hurt even more is if you continue on in a relationship like this.
I’m not saying you need to break up with him, but you absolutely need to have a conversation about what you expect and what you deserve. Look, if you’re hoping to take it to the next level and he’s not ready to do that, you can’t make him. If that’s the case, I’d tell him to beat it, so you can find someone else.
Hope this helps and keep me posted! xx