Sasha Answers: When he’s on Facebook with another girl…
I am experiencing boy trouble. I am a single mom of a 6year old boy and I recently started dating someone. Things were going well up until a week ago when I asked him out and he said that he was too busy to hang out. He is getting his and I'm getting my MBA so we are legitimately busy. We are dating for four months and he was talking like he was in it for the long haul. He is 35 and I am 29. I freaked out because I saw a picture of him with a girl on Facebook in front of Niagara Falls and asked him about it and now I'm worried that I f-cked things up? C
You know the excitement of finding a bag of chips only to reach in and get a hand-print of greasy crumbs? Well, that dissatisfaction is how I feel when I read your letter.
I mean, I appreciate all the logistical details you’ve provided, but you’ve really left me with jack. All I have is this picture on Facebook. It’s not much, but fine, let’s chew on it for a hot second…..
C, a general rule or like, just normal thing, when dating someone is to know who they hang out with. And at the very least know the people they’re hanging out with at one of the wonders of the world. That’s some basic level stuff. So no joke, you should be freaked - but not that you’ve f-cked things up, but that he’s f-cked things up. If he doesn’t have a reasonable answer (does he? What did he say? Seeeee!!!! These are details I need!) about who this rando woman is then you sure as sh-t need to know. Asking this, in fact demanding an answer, is totally in the realm of things girlfriends are allowed to know.
This could have been an old picture, maybe it's a cousin, or yah, maybe your dude's got a side-piece he's not afraid to blast up on social media. Again C, I don’t know the whole story but the only prelim advice I can throw your way is to talk to your boyfriend and get some answers. I also think it would be worth your time to evaluate this relationship, where you really are after 4 months, and where you want it to go. I know 4 months is still fresh, but my sense is that you're dealing with some insecurity and confidence issues and if you pair that up with a potentially shady dude, I can tell you right now that's not going to be a good match.
I'm officially back on the site. Slowly but surely I'll be answering your questions so fire away at firstname.lastname@example.org. I missed you all. xo