Sasha Answers: Why isn’t my best friend happy for me?
Hi Sasha. So here’s my issue. Last year was my freshman year of college and it was less than exciting to say the least. I sort of slacked off in high school and ended up at a college that was absolutely not my first choice. Although the school wasn’t for me, my best friend since I was young ended up going to that same school as well which worked out nicely. Anyways, I worked hard and ended up getting all A’s which opened up many transfer opportunities. Even though my grades were good, I tend to doubt myself so I opted not to apply to any schools (for fear of getting rejected). In the middle of the summer my mom encouraged me to apply to one of my favorite schools in Boston just to see what would happen. I ended up getting in which surprised me so much but completely made my life. When I told my friend, C, she acted like she was so happy for me and that she could sort of see this coming (because I was miserable). I thought everything was fine until she just completely stopped talking to me. Weeks went by where she wouldn’t answer my texts or phone calls and when she did she would be really short with me. The thing is, my friend C was extremely popular at college and made lots of friends and got a great boyfriend there as well. I went home most weekends because I hated the social scene at school so I can’t seem to understand why it would even matter if I went somewhere else. At this point, I really don’t know what to do. C has been my friend since I was six and it angers me that she is giving me the silent treatment. My mom thinks that I should apologize for not telling her I was thinking about transferring but the truth is I wasn’t even considering it until my mom encouraged me to. It may sound stubborn but I’m not going to apologize to a friend who has gotten everything in life and when I finally accomplish something she ignores me. Should I just move on with my life and let her go or try to talk to her. Help! Thanks, R
What you don’t see right now is that you and your best friend are actually operating from the same place: hurt feelings. And because neither of you have truly acknowledged or talked about it with each other, the rift between you guys was inevitable.
So here’s some tough love because R, you’re unknowingly playing a big part in this. I think the first step is to fess up and stop pretending that it didn’t just “slip your mind” to not tell your BEST FRIEND that you were applying to go to another school!!! Come on, be honest, there was a little part of you that wanted to stick it to her, right?
It’s pretty clear to me that while she was having the best year of her life meeting new friends and bagging a great boy, you felt abandoned and alone. You also sound pretty disappointed that she didn’t step up and act as a better support system through this glaring rough spot for you. That sucks. If she didn’t do a good job of making you feel more included, she should have, and she needs to know that.
So with that said, you are right, she’s being majorly sh-tty for ignoring you. But here’s the deal, while it’s totally lame and wrong of her to cast shade, you have to understand where she’s coming from too. She probably feels pretty damn shafted that you didn't share this really important news. You see that, right? You see how that would hurt her? BUT she should have been a good friend and expressed how she felt.
Look, I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that the both of you have dropped the ball in the communication department. So my advice would be sit down and hash it out. But in order for that to happen you have to make the first move. I’m sorry to break it to you; I’m with your moms – you need to apologize. I know that will be a hard one for you to suck up, but it’s the truth.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted!xx