Sasha Answers: it’s time at 36

April 16, 2012 18:16:19 Posted at April 16, 2012 18:16:19
Sasha Posted by Sasha

I am 30 days away from my 36 birthday...I have lived in this city a decade (!!) and I have dated 3 guys in that entire time, one of whom sucked up 8 years worth of my time and effort and 'baby making years'.  I do not know where to go in this city to meet like minded, age appropriate people and for the first time since losing my dad I want to go out and do something fun, invigorating and life affirming!  I feel so angry that I let this happen, that I was an audience member in my own life instead of an active player, it is heart breaking to me that i squandered a decade here waiting for someone to consider me worthy when I should have been exploring what this city has to offer and meeting exciting and new people.  Now I am a 35 yr old person who has minimal social skills/socially awkward and is without ANY dating skills whatsoever.  I have no game AT ALL.  
So I want to turn things around.  I want to go out and do things, see small scale plays, listen to live music, go to an arts show.  And I want to meet men and I want to go on a date...maybe even 2!!!  I just do not have the confidence nor the life experience to know how or where to begin.  Can you help me at all Sasha?  K

Well what the fuck are you writing me for -GO DO IT!  

K, I know this sounds moot, but the only way to make changes in your life is by actually putting in the effort to make the changes.  And it sounds like you’ve got some gusto to do it right now, which is great, so before you start shrinking back into your comfort zone and going back to what’s “safe”… bust the hell out.  Really, what’s the other alternative?  Obviously what you’ve done up to this point hasn’t panned out, so flip the script and go get what you want out of life.  

That doesn’t mean you should punish yourself for what you perceive as failures, no, not at all. Instead give yourself props for figuring out that it wasn’t working.  Yes, I know this sh-t bag stole 8 years of your perky tittied life, but you’re a fool to let that ruin you for another 8 years.  You know?

Obviously, the end goal here is to meet the dream man, but in the meantime I think you need to fulfill yourself in other ways.  So yes, if what you want is to hear some good music, look at some artsy fartsy bullsh-t, and see some hot dudes, then drag a friend with you and go do it.  Even if people are too busy go do it alone.  K, I guess I just want you to have the courage to step out and find what you’re looking for because you’re sure as sh-t not going to find “it” sitting at home reading Lainey.  (But of course keep reading or I lose my job)

Now I can’t pretend that once you step out of the door it’s going to be easy.  It won’t.  I have a few single friends in their mid 30’s and the dating scene is, well, not super awesome.  It’s a total grind to find a normal dude, but you just have to be patient and weed through the sh-t.  Start the old fashioned way by going out and scoping the scene - fingers crossed you’ll find someone, but if not, throw all your preconceived notions out the window and get online.

I hope this helps!! xx  

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