Sasha Answers: mom’s life on hold

November 21, 2011 19:00:17 Posted at November 21, 2011 19:00:17
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Here’s the thing. I can’t ask my friends because they’re selfish bitches/bastards and only want me back in Dallas. Back story- Grew up everywhere but most of my 20s I lived in Dallas. I go back A LOT because I consider it where I’m from. Here’s the ‘thing’.

One summer whilst visiting Nova Scotia from Ontario (where I was back in Uni), I got drunk and fell down and woke up pregnant. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I decided it was a wake-up call of sorts so I stayed close enough to my son’s dad here in NS so that they could have a relationship. In the meantime, I’ve been miserable. MISERABLE. My only solace is Dallas.
The meat of the issue: My goal has always been to get back to Dallas. I’ve been finishing my degree online and part-time. It’s been hellish doing the fulltime hockey mom, work and school, oh, and cuz I’m a nutbar, I bought a house and have been in reno hell for 6 years. Lately I’ve been really anxious to get the hell out of here (small snobbish town that I don’t fit in). I’ve been so busy that I haven’t dated or made friends outside of work/hockey. I flip-flop from sending my son to live with his dad, selling the house, dropping everything to finish the degree properly so I can just GET ON WITH IT (move to Dallas, get my life back and my son can come or stay) or wait it out until the boy goes off to college when I’ll have my degree (completed by spits-n-spurts) and then move but be miserable waiting to start my life. WELL???? What would you do???L

Oh jeez-us. This is tough one.

I’ve got to be honest, I’m a bit torn.  My first instinct is to tell you that of course you shouldn’t go – you have a son to take care of.  Isn’t that the deal when you have children?  Your life takes a back seat unit they’re fully grown?  They’re number one, right?  

Then the other side tells me that what good are you as a role model, mother and well, just a human being, if you’re not living to your greatest potential?  And why can’t his father be a primary caregiver?

But after some thought L, the thing that stands out to me the most is that I don’t get why one of the options isn’t to have your son move to Dallas with you.  And because of that, my gut is telling me that you’re having a bit of a life crisis and that this whole degree thing might just be a scapegoat to get out of your life duties.  Look, I’m sure there are a lot of people that can relate to feeling suffocated and overwhelmed with their busy lives, and all they want to do is get the hell out of dodge, but at the end of the day you need to figure it out, and own up to your responsibilities. And guess what, your son is at the top of that list.

As a parent you need to figure out what is the best for your child and here are some questions I think you need to ask yourself:

Are your son and his father really close?  
Will he be a good dad, role model and provider for him?
How will your son *really* be if you leave him?  
Are you his world?

The other pressing matter here is that I don’t think you’ve given your life in Canada a fair go.  For example…your home renovation.  I mean, I know renos are a f-cking nightmare, but 6 YEARS? Are you building a mall complex?  I don’t know, to me it sounds like you’re stalling to get it finished because you’ve never fully committed yourself to this life.   As for the friend situation or lack thereof…maybe you haven’t made any close friendships because people get the vibe that you have no interest, that you always have one foot out the door, that you’re not open to giving the town or the people in it a chance.  Maybe?  Just Maybe?  

L, here’s what I think: you need to press refresh and give it another two years before you pack your bags and take off.  Put a deadline on finishing your home and actually get it done, really put some effort in trying to lay down some roots, and try to be a bit more open to this life.  I think this is the best thing for you to do right now and more importantly for your son.  

(Lainey: Sometimes it’s hard to pick appropriate photos to go with these posts. This one isn’t exact at all. But there’s something I really liked about SJP’s face here.)

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