Sasha Answers: My straight crush might not be straight
Hi Sasha, I met this guy about a year ago. He was someone who I knew of, but who I had never met. From the first that we met, we became great friends - and present day, I would say he's my best friend. The first night we met, I kind of thought he might like guys. But, I didn't say anything, kept my mouth shut. Then, I met his girlfriend. (Love her, by the way) So I put that theory to rest. Like, literally cold turkey. Moved on from it. I forgot to mention that the first time we met, I was attracted to him. Also, I'm a guy. ANYWAY. Just a couple of months ago, I realized I liked him. The friend thing was becoming a little more for me. I knew it was dangerous, I would only be hurting myself, and I really didn't want to lose him as my friend if I ever tried to act on it. NOW, back to present day. I was over at his place and using his computer and I accidentally saw things that I know I was not supposed to see. Guy on guy things - videos, websites, etc. I should note that there is no ambiguity here in terms of what I saw. I WANTED TO DIE. I don't know what to do about it. I feel awful. I found out my straight friend likes not so straight stuff, AND I have feelings for him. What do you think? Should I just let it ride out and see how everything plays out? Should I talk to him? I'm so confused. J
I get the idea of this guy being dick hungry is quite exciting, but I think it’s far too premature to do or say anything to him. I know, I’m such a buzz kill.
Here’s the deal: if he’s actually gay and closeted it’s still going to take a while for him to feel comfortable to come out and sort through all the emotions that go with that. You should know, right? It’s not an easy breezy process. So J, unless you’re looking for a make work project, I think you need to stay away and just do the friend thing. The last thing he needs is the added complication of his best friend being in love with him. At least, not yet. So I’d just sit tight, and be there as his support if and when he’s ready to open up to you.
Now, the other great possibility is that buddy might just love him some gay-ass porn. The spectrum of what gets people off is so vast and varied, who knows…maybe he and his chick like to get their rocks off on these kinds of videos. That’s not far-fetched at all.
J, right now my worry is that you’re going to get your heart lost up in some unattainable wet dream, so do yourself a favor and ABORT. The last thing I want is for you to end up with hurt feelings or even worse, no friend at all. I’m not saying you should totally give up on him, but give up on it for right now.
Keep me posted! Xx