Sasha Answers: the 1% uncertainty

November 8, 2011 19:28:40 Posted at November 8, 2011 19:28:40
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha, So, I’m generally a sensible girl but I’m in a bit of a head spin this week…….
I was at a wedding over the weekend with my fiancé B and a whole bunch of our close college buddies - A LOT of bubbly and beer was being consumed and I was innocently having a boogie on the D-floor with one of the Groomsmen S, a good friend of mine and my soon to be husband. S is also engaged to be married. However, S decides after 10 years of friendship to tell me then and there that I’m (and I quote) ‘his kryptonite,’ ‘dream girl’ etc. etc. and always have been and he would do anything for me – if you can get past the cheese, it’s all very overwhelming.
I asked why on earth he didn’t tell me sooner, especially since we had a drunken kiss way back when … his reply was that at the time of said kiss I was ‘off limits’ as I was the recent-ish ex of his flatmate at the time, then he lost his mojo about making a move (which I took as not being interested), and for the past few years I’ve been in a relationship with my now fiancé. Now I’ve read the book and I’ve accepted that if a boy really, REALLY likes you he’ll manage his way around the ‘bro’s before’ situation and any residual shyness so I do have a certain amount of skepticism about the timing....

I honestly like this guy and if I was single I would be thinking I'd hit the jackpot but I’m 99% certain that I'm not prepared to wreck two engagements and throw away the wonderful life I already have. Why now? 6 weeks before my own wedding and a few months before his own?! Thanks, TJ.

It’s funny how sometimes that 1% of uncertainty manages to outweigh the rest of our feelings and f-ck with our reality.   TJ, this is definitely a situation, but I’m a bit unclear as to what you want to hear from me right now.

Listen, I don’t know why he confessed all of that to you; maybe you are the one that got away, or maybe he’s just a slimy drunk dick bag…people do say some really wacked out sh-t when they’re on the sauce.  But whatever the reason, I think the bigger question here is:  does that change the way you feel about YOUR fiancé?
Obviously it’s flattering and startling when someone tells you that you’re a hot piece of ass – it does wonders for your swagger.  I get that.  But a compliment doesn’t mean that you need to second guess your whole future.  What it does mean though is that it’s triggered your temptation button, and that’s where sh-t can get complicated.  You can either take the bait or not, that’s up to you, but from my experience 9 times out of 10 acting on those impulses never ends well.   

The point is that this has less to do with what this guy slurred into your ear that night and more to do with whether your fiancé is the one you actually want to be with.   You need to get to the bottom of that pretty quickly.   But if what you say is true, that 99% percent of you wants to be with your man, then problem solved, right?

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