Producer problems, cut out the friend, London Boy
Written by Sasha
So I'm a producer on a reality show and last night I was reading the website. It had a blurb about the upcoming show that I thought was awful. Like, really fucking bad. So today I'm in a screening with my executive producer and at the end we were talking about all the horrible shit people are saying about the show, blah blah. And so big mouthed me brings up the website and here's our convo:
Me: OMG, last night I saw a blurb about the show on VH1 and can I just say it was the sh-ttiest thing I've ever read in my life. Like, who writes that crap?
Boss: (long pause) I do.
Me: (silence) Oh. (silence) I'm just kidding...so that flashback you were talking about, where in the scene did you want it?
I started to sweat, and even though I'm black, the editor there said I turned a plum color. NOT a good look.
Question is, what do I do? My exec takes his writing very seriously. And I also know he's ultra-f-cking-sensitive in general, but especially about his work. And by the way, the blurb WAS the sh-ttiest thing I've ever read, but I realize I'm an idiot for saying it. Do I apologize and make it a "thing," or do I let it go? I mean, the conversation recovered, and I'm good enough at my job to where I won't get fired. I just feel so bad. B.
Basketball Wives? Better yet, Mob Wives? Tell ME! I'm dying to know what this sh-t reality show you work on is because as you all know I have some really low class TV taste. Okay, but back to the problem at hand. B, 100% let it go.
I get that everyone is protective over their work, and coming from someone who also works in entertainment television, we all have to take a piss out of it sometimes. There's no way you can write something about Michael Lohan - wait, do you work for Celebrity Rehab? Jeez-us, tell me! - and not feel like a bit of an asshole for giving that douche air-time. I know you know this, but I have to assume your boss knows this too.
I’m not saying you didn’t jam your foot in your mouth, you totally did, but f-ck, everyone does it. And I know, it's the worst feeling; all you want to do is crawl into a sh-t infested hole and never come out again. But B, unless you called his mom a low down dirty whore, I think you can stop stressing.
If you bring it up again it's just going to make things wayyyy more uncomfortable. And in all honesty how can you give a genuine apology if what came out of your mouth was the truth? To go to all the trouble to re-tell the story and explain what you were thinking at the time, and how you didn't mean to offend him even though you meant it...blah blah blah…will only make it a thousand times worse.
B, you need to forgive yourself for the blunder because if you don’t, you’re going to continue to have really awkward exchanges with him, and that won't do anything good for your cause at work. Look, I can’t let you start acting like one of the sketch balls on your show. Okay? So stop thinking about it and move on. But just to play it safe I'd cover your ass a bit by casually dropping some positive things about his work every couple of months. Do it on the sly and you'll be back in his good books.
I have a childhood friend, M*. She often referred to me as big sister and I looked upon her like a little sister. There's a few years age difference.
In 2005 M* started dating a guy and shut me out of her life, she stopped calling and didn’t return my calls. It hurt and I was angry but I moved on. In 2008 she broke up with him and called me up. She told me she missed our friendship. I told her that I was upset she ditched our friendship for this guy. She came up with some lame excuse as to holding our friendship to high standards and that she didn't think her boyfriend would’ve met those standards. Whatever. I let it go. We rekindle our friendship and all is good. I tell her that I'm looking into moving into a condo, and I ask her to join me. She gets excited but then bails because her mother wouldn't agree to it - that's another issue, her mother controls her life and is obsessed with marrying M* off. Every decision she makes has to be with mom in mind – always sacrificing her happiness for what her mom wants.
Fast forward to May 2010 - I don't hear from M* for a while, so I suspect she has a boyfriend. Sure enough, she takes me out for my birthday and confirms my suspicion. I tell her “I guess this is where you ditch me again”. She says no, tells me she really likes this guy and wants me to meet him. I meet him, he's nice. I tell her to make sure her mom doesn’t control the relationship. She agrees but I don’t hear from her again that summer. In November I call her; her mom answers and reveals to me excitedly that M* got engaged and goes into great detail on how the proposal happened. I'm happy for M* so I call her at work to congratulate her, she's not nearly as excited as her mom. I tell her that I want to go out to celebrate the occasion - she can't because she has plans but she'll call me. I don't hear from her. I send her a text a month later to remind her but still don't hear back.
Present day - I still haven't spoken to her. She's getting married this year but I want nothing to do with the wedding. I can't fake happiness and I’m so hurt that she completely shut me out of this milestone in her life, while also feeling like I’ve been used throughout our “friendship” I've dated a few guys throughout our friendship and not once did I shut her out of my life and so this bothers me a great deal. Help. Should I bite the bullet and go to the wedding? Or should I give her a gift, ditch the wedding and move on with my life?Thanks for your help. H
What I find most interesting about a lot of the letters I receive is that if you were to REALLY read them before pressing send, you’d know the answer just as well as I would.
Obviously, I want you to continue sending your problems or I’ll be hooped but H, my first piece of advice to you is to go back and read your letter to me. Then ask yourself – why in the muther f-ck do you want to ever be friends with this girl ever again? Your entire letter is riddled with hurt feelings, and all signs point in her direction for making you feel that way.
Maintaining friendships isn’t easy but they shouldn't be this hard. And what's interesting to me is it always seems like the ones that aren't worth the trouble cause the most trouble. That's when it’s time to cut it out (yes, I just quoted Uncle Joey). So H, it's time to reevaluate what value this chick really adds to your life. I don't want to totally sh-t on her, but you're not even getting the bare minimum here, like, you don’t even get the perk of seeing her here and there. So really, what’s the point?
You've all heard it a million times: Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me. You can't deny the truth in this saying and H, you can't keep complaining about the same old thing if you're not going to take action. You know? So yes, H, send her a really nice wedding gift, dust off any sad feelings and move on.
So I'm in a bit of a pickle. About two years ago I met this guy in London at a club when I was there travelling for a week. I ended up going home with him, while both of us were explaining profusely that this doesn't happen ever (I didn't believe him, of course), and the next morning we exchanged Facebook details and that was that. I went home a few days later and other than a random Facebook comment here and there over the past couple years we haven't stayed in too much contact. However, I've held a bit of a flame for him since. Even though we barely know each other I feel like we had some sort of connection.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he was in the city I live in for a conference. We met up for drinks when he arrived and during the course of the afternoon he mentioned his current girlfriend and I mentioned my current boyfriend and I figured that this would be it for whatever we had. However, when I left him around 6 pm he said to let me know what I get up to that evening and maybe he and his friends would join in.
So, I call him when I'm out with my best friend, and he shows up, even ditching his friends to hang out with us. We hang out until 3 am somehow and he says that he'll call the next evening to see if my friends and I want to hang out. We end up hanging out with him and his friends for the next five nights. I gave him an out early on in the week by saying I didn't want us to impose on his time with his friends that he never sees but he insisted that we continue to join them.
Over the course of the week he tells me some interesting things. He tells me that I made a huge impact on his life when he met because he realized he could feel and be happy again (I met him several months after a difficult break up). He told me he fantasized about me and that he thinks back on our time together and it makes him smile. At the end of the week he told me that he hoped that he had made a good impression on me that week because he had really hoped that he did. When I asked him if I had made a good impression he said "A very very good impression." During the conference he was also offered a job in a company in the city I live and he said he was really happy about it.
Now, I know I'm being horrible to my current boyfriend with this emotional-cheating but since this guy has left he's all I can think of. However, almost the moment he arrives back on his home soil he declares his relationship on Facebook (he was listed as single before, but he told me that he's been dating his girlfriend for about four months). What do you think is going on? Thanks! S
Well, that’s an easy one. Buddy obviously felt major guilt when he got back home, and what better way to proclaim to the world you’re a good devoted boyfriend that didn’t emotionally cheat on your girl? Facebook update. Ugh. I'm now starting to think we should all be bit more suspicious of this kind of activity...so ladies, if your man after months and months of dating all of a sudden wants to change his relationship status to acknowledge your existence - start sniffing out for cheating clues. Just saying...
S, I think instead of worrying about what this guy is doing, you should start worrying about what YOU'RE doing. I gotta say, it sounds like you're going down a really sketchy path and if you don't put on the breaks, sh-t's about to blow up. Can you imagine if this is what your man was thinking about while he was with you? Wouldn’t you freak the f-ck out? I know I would. And trust me, your boyfriend doesn't need to know the nitty gritty details for the negative stuff to come spilling on in to your relationship. Also p.s. where the freak was he the entire week you were out partying your face off with London boy?
Listen, you’re at a very critical time right now – you can either save your relationship or not. What do you want to do? Is some day-dreaming about another boy worth throwing it all away?
The way I see it, you have two options:
1) Call up London Boy and put it all on the line. Tell him you've been thinking about him non-stop and are willing to break things off with your boyfriend to be with him. If he says he's in...may you both live happily ever after. If he says no....well, tough luck at least you tried.
2) Get a grip and figure out what's really going on in your current relationship? Is your boyfriend worth the effort? Do you even want to be in a relationship at all?
I obviously can't give you the answers, but what's important is that you need to start searching for them NOW. I hope this helps and of course keep me posted! xx