BFF’s baby shower, her dick bf, & your sister
Written by Sasha
Hi Sasha, So I need your help. My friend is preggo and she has asked me to host her baby shower which I am happy to do. The problem is that she has horrible taste, at least it is horrible to me. I'll let you judge for yourself, this is her baby bedding. Anyway, let's just say my style is the complete opposite of this. To give you an idea of how different we are, this would be my choice. I don't think my style is superior to hers, but as you can see it is very different.
So, do I decorate her shower like she would decorate her nursery, in bright pinks (she is painting an accent wall in the nursery bright pink)? I don't want to disappoint her and I feel like decorating in my style is selfish, I mean this is not about me at all.
Is this one of those things you just do for your friend? Just suck it up and go with it. Or is there a compromise. CC
Oh I just had a really good laugh at these bedding pics. You’re right; your aesthetic couldn’t be more different. She’s Real Housewives of Orange County with a twist of New Jersey all the way. Bless her soul.
I’ll be straight up CC. I fear the day that I am chosen to organize a shower of any kind. I don’t have the creative capacity for such an event, but when that day comes, I can tell you one thing -- I’ll make sure it’s done exactly the way my friend/sister wants it.
You DO know the wrath of f-cking up something this epic, right? Like, it’s not good. Seriously, if there is one day to suck up all your bitchy judgy asshole tendencies – it’s that day. And if you’re dealing with someone who loves hot pink, well, be prepared to load up that bedazzling gun.
I liken this situation to the tacky ass bridesmaids dress. It’s not anything you would ever chose for yourself and you’re fully aware that you are surrendering to being ugly for the entire day……but you put it on without saying a word, because that’s what you’ve been called on to do. You take one for the team. And you suck up the ugly, cheap, horrific cut and color (not to mention jacked up hair) because that’s what you’re supposed to do as a good friend.
So CC, I say fight every classic, modern, sophisticated bone in your body and embrace your inner polka dot, baroque, hot pink self. Why? Because you love your friend and you know when she sees what you’ve tried to do, she’ll love you for it too.
Now, if you really can’t control your overbearing self (wink) then, fine, put your flare on the cupcakes and the party napkins. That’s all I’m giving you.
Sasha, My best friend has always been gorgeous. Like CRAZY so. Everywhere we go, she gets hit, strangers tell her she's beautiful, etc etc. I'm 5'8, blonde, and take meds for a health problem which makes me kind of chunky. I've always dealt pretty well with the endless compliments for her and zero for me because she never ever ever ever made a big deal about it (btw, we've been friends since first grade, we're both 22 now.)
Flash forward to six months ago when she first began dating this guy. He's been openly making rude, disrespectful comments about my weight since Day 1. At first I was like, whatever. But then I brought it up with her and instead of confronting him or telling him to quit it, she's brushed it off as no big deal and tried to evade the topic. It's been 6 months and she's getting really serious about him. The lease on her apartment is up in a month, and they're probably going to move in together, which means I'm going to have to see this asshole 24/7.
I guess the reason why I'm freaking out over this so much is cause I KNOW I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, cuz I've spent my life next to a freakin' supermodel, and for her boyfriend to slam me snidely every time we go out to a bar is making me feel shitty on a whole new level. I want to talk to her about it, but I've brought it up a few times and she keep dodging. Should I just drop it and tough it out? Thanks,C
The sad reality is that sometimes your friends suck big dong when they start falling in love. Their heart is in a cloud of bliss and the only thing they can see is the guy in front of them. There’s noting fun or cool about it.
It’s one thing to be put on the backburner for a few months and it’s a whole other crack o’ sh-t if your friend doesn’t have your back. In my opinion, this situation totally gives you the right to bust her love bubble.
I don’t know how you brought this up to her in the past, but clearly it didn’t pack enough punch. So I’d holler at your girl again and have another sit down. You need to tell her that it’s not only super uncool that her man is taking jabs at you, but that she needs to tell him to stop. She needs to understand that you feel totally hurt by her behaviour or LACK of it.
Now let’s get to the real core of this issue.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a supermodel friend, but even when I look at models in mags, especially Daria Werbowy, I want to crawl in a hole and beat myself up with my own fists, so I give you kudos for never letting that get to you over the years. So please oh please don’t let this ‘man’ who is obviously an insecure twat, make you second guess your rad factor.
Being hot is a frame of mind. You don’t have look 10/10 to be a 10/10. You know? And as you get older C, you’ll realize this. Like, if I had to choose between Tina Fey or Naomi Campbell/Tyra Banks/Claudia Shiffer/Chanel Iman/Jessica Stam etc…I’d go with Tina every time. Really. And I’m sure your friend is nice and all but if this is the type of guy she’s attracting, than to be honest, I feel kind of bad for her.
Which leads me to this guy…..can we talk about this a-wod for a second? You’ve got to be a big time dick to have sh-t like that flowing out of your mouth. This is a major red flag, because if he thinks it’s okay to say these things, jesus, what other kinds of tacky ass things will pour out his mouth down the road. Let’s cross our fingers that she ditches this loser soon.
But don’t take my lead on dissing him, at least for right now, because that’s not what this is about. The issue here is that SHE hasn’t stepped up and been a good friend, so she needs to get a clue. Make sure you talk to her and let it all out. Deal?
Here's the back story: I started seeing this guy who was a total nerd but somehow I liked it. It was going really well, then I tell him I can't make plans we had made, and buddy tells me he's going to bail on any future plans and that's it. So I figure he's insane because before that he was singing my praises. A week later, he's sorry because his feelings were too strong...like a doe eyed dummy I believed him! We continue to go out, its amazing...he's pulling out all the stops. Then one night he tells me he sees us dating for a long time, I'm this and that, same night the conversation gets heavy, he tells me we need to take five but still likes me and wants to date me. Next day tells me my watch is in my mailbox. Never heard from him again. Now here's the real issue. I was really falling hard for this guy. He said things and I totally bought each one of them and I've been thinking about it constantly. Replaying everything over on my head, wishing I didn't say or said things. Can't get over it and its driving me crazy! Anyways, the problem with this is my sister. We've always had a real up and down relationship. I'm gonna sound real bitchy here... but I've always been outgoing and easily can make friends and boyfriends. She is shy and has always had a hard time meeting guys and she has a bad temper. So I usually tread lightly to avoid a crazy confrontation. Since these boys are major nerds, I figure she should meet them. They get along, then when buddy dumps me, he stays in contact with her. They are talking, hanging out, her group of friends and his, and she says
its none of my business and lying about it. Every time I think I can forget about him, he appears in my life through these other people and its making it difficult to get over him. Plus, I don't understand since he doesn't want anything to do with me, why can't he find other friends that isn't my sister?! Now am I a total crazy bitch? I tried to do her a favor by introducing her to some guys, the guy super hurt me! I feel totally betrayed, not only was she my friend but my sister too? Isn't this a major girl code violation?! I feel like my own sister is ditching me for douchelord she barely knows and she's mad at me! What is that?! So I don't know if I tell her off, don't talk to her or pretend its all good. Do I have any right to be mad??
The issue here is obviously not the guy, come on, let’s get real; he wasn’t even close to being the ‘one’ or even a good someone. Sure you liked him, sure it was real for moment or two, but it’s pretty transparent that the reason you can’t stop thinking about him now is because you CAN’T have him.
The chase always f-cks with reality. Trust me, take a step back, you really don’t like this guy. Remember when you thought he was a nerd…well, guess what, he’s probably still a nerd. Sometimes even nerds can pull one over on you. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you genuinely liked him, but unfortunately the reality is his feelings weren’t as strong as yours.
This brings me to the REAL issue at hand - your sister.
By hanging out with this guy she’s just stoked the fire BIG TIME. Now, I don’t know your sis at all, but I have the sense that she’s probably getting some pleasure from this. Maybe this is her way of finally one upping you, or getting a morsel of the attention you’ve always received so easily over the years.
Is this lame of her? Yes. Could you scrap it out? Yes. But, why bother. The only thing it will do is create more distance between you two. You know?
Here’s the thing. It appears there are some deep rooted issues going on with you and your sister, so if you want to build a stronger relationship with her you’re going to have to dig a lot deeper than grappling over some boy you dated for a minute. But if you’re just looking to pick a fight over a guy who is clearly not worth it, then I don’t really see the point. So brace yourself, this is going to be real annoying for you hear right now, but I say …let her have him.
Are you still with me? If so, this is what you need to do
First, give yourself some time to cool down a bit, and then really figure out what is truly wrong with the dynamic of your relationship with your sister. Chances are you are both guilty of some button pushing. The point here is to not make it about this ‘guy’, but rather why you’re not seeing eye-to-eye and how to repair the missing connection moving forward.
Keep me posted! xx