Meeting up with the ex

December 20, 2010 09:30:06 Posted at December 20, 2010 09:30:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Written by Sasha

Hi Sasha
About 2 years ago I was dating a guy. It was a great relationship, we had lots in common, he was affectionate, my family loved him, and we had an amazing sex life. However it all ended when he cheated on me with an ex after about 5 months in. Long story short, I confronted him, he didn't deny it, and then proceeded to tell me he wanted to break up to be with someone else he had been interested in for a few years. It pretty much devastated me. We broke up, but stayed friends for a few months before he admitted that he was still very much attracted to me, and it was too hard for him to see me dating other guys (kinda effed up considering he cheated on me...). So we cut off all contact with each other. Flash forward... I'm currently in a relationship with an amazing guy, and we're celebrating our 1 year anniversary on New Years Day. We live together, and I love him more than anything. However, we're not in "the honeymoon stage" anymore and our sex life has really slowed down, which frustrates me. A week ago I saw my ex in the store and decide to send him a message on Facebook to see how he was doing; I can honestly say that I didn't do it with the intention of anything remotely sexual, I just wanted to see how he was doing; I didn't even expect a reply back, but he did and we got to talking. I really enjoy talking to him, we always had great conversations. However it's pretty obvious that he still wants me; he is currently no longer with the other girl. Not so shocking as the fact that I find myself feeling things too. He's asked me if I want to catch up over coffee next week... I am so conflicted with this it's not even funny. What's your advice? KS

Woah. If you're not careful KS you could be on the verge a major messy emotional nightmare so … here’s what think - don't go for the coffee.

You and I both know that this will not be as innocent as just gabbing over coco because as you express, there are still some residual 'feelings' involved on both ends. You guys have a history and obviously a very strong connection and I think that might open up some temptations that you shouldn't be feeling right now. And you know just as well as I do that if you meet up with him there will be a considerable amount of flirt going on and admit it - you'll be getting hella satisfaction knowing that you can have him back if you want.

All these things scream - holy f-ck don't do it!

And I just want to throw something out there - would you be cool letting your boy go out with his ex girlfriend if he was having the same feelings you're having? Ummmm, think about that for a moment because I'm pretty sure the answer would be hell f-cking no. And if that's the case, that rule applies to you too.

You're in a relationship with what sounds like a great guy and yes I know you feel like the ‘honeymoon period’ is fading but that sh-t ain’t nothing new. That stuff fades all the time but it gets brought back to life when you put some elbow grease into it. I guess my point is, instead of meeting your ex for coffee, go home and bag your man instead.

Now, I'm not saying your boyfriend is THE ONE, what I am saying is try to find out if he is. If the answer is yes, I look forward to the wedding invite, if he's not then your search continues and who knows, it could lead you back to your ex. But figure that out when the time comes; in the meantime play your current situation with honesty and respect. Being in a relationship can be hard as all hell, it takes a lot of work and you won’t be doing that relationship or your mental state any good if you invite baggage from your ex. Trust me, it’s just not worth it.

(From Lainey: this was a time sensitive request so we wanted to post it as soon as possible. Sasha’s regular life and style columns will return in January!)

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