Birth control, baby pushers, and staying home
Written by Sasha
Dear Sasha, I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and I've recently switched birth control methods. I followed the instructions but as luck would have it; our backup method didn't really have our backs. So I marched into the pharmacy to get the morning after pill. Once I made sure there was nobody I really knew there, I'm not that shy, so I went up to the counter and asked for "Plan B".
The pharmacist was about my age (late 20s early 30s) and a guy. And he said "Well, what happened to plan A?"
I was so damn shocked, I can't even tell you. I kind of spluttered "That's none of your business!" I was so mad but what else could I do? So when I paid I said "Don't ever say that to anyone ever again" but he just kind of shrugged and I was really mad. I left a message for the manager, but he didn't call me back...
What should I have said to him? I mean what if I had been assaulted or raped or something? Should I call the manager again or is it kind of out of sight, out of mind? From TD
TD, can we please explore Plan C? This entails giving me the location of the pharmacy so I can wind up and sock that guy in the face. I really can’t believe this dude—that’s a big serving of DICK right there (and not in that good way). I’m sitting here staring at my screen so irate and this didn’t even happen to me so I can’t imagine the fury you must have felt standing at that counter.
Sure, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s probably seen his fair share of women abusing that pill but even if you popped that sh-t like candy, he should never have uttered a f-cking word. And you obviously bring up the most important point of all - what if you had been raped or molested?
The fact that he tried to shame you and embarrass you is not only disgusting but would be so detrimental if he said that to a younger girl. I mean, has he not seen Teen Mom? Good God.
I’ve gotta give you mad props though; most would’ve been too shocked or embarrassed to say something as quickly as you did. You really busted out a good comeback - I like your style.
As for what to do now. TD, you keep calling that manager until he calls you back because he absolutely needs to know that his employee needs to not only check his behavior but check himself out of that job. Keep me posted.
I do not want to have kids with my partner. We have nothing against humans. Just little humans do not make us tingle. My biological clock becomes increasingly defective as I grow older. I just do not care to have kids. I am not ashamed of my choices. Do you know of graceful ways to make the point "I do not want children and I am not inhumane for that, nor envy those who don't, nor think I will regret it", without a whole drama starting all around? How???? EC
"You’re not a procreator"? "You don’t want to give the gift of life"? “You don’t want sweet Anne Geddes portraits of your newborn?
That's what the looks say, right?
I’m not going to front and say that I don’t want kids—while your maternal clock has no batteries, mine are about to overheat. I’m at the age now where everyone I know seems to be popping them out. Late night discussions are less about cool new bars and more about how your nipples change shape and how fast your ovaries are going to shrivel. It’s baby talk 24/7 and if I’m finding that I get bombarded with questions about WHEN! I can’t imagine how you feel when you get hassled about WHY!
But still, it does boggle my mind as to why others feel the need to convert people who DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS. I mean, if they actually care about "children" so much then why the F do they insist on pushing them on families where they might not be welcome. Let Celine Dion make all the perfect angel children.
Now I know I’ve just confirmed everything you already feel and the more pressing issue is how you respond to these people. I feel like you have a few of options.
a) Hit them up with the respect/guilt route: “I appreciate you trying to look out for me but no matter what you say it’s not something I want in life and I’m really happy about my decision. And I know you care and respect me enough to not change that.
b) Crack a self-deprecating joke: “I can’t pass down this nose to a child!” --and then quickly change the subject
c) Say some human race sh-t: “I’m very concerned about over population in the world and I feel like it’s my duty as a citizen to keep those numbers down.
Now, to be honest I don’t know if there’s a foolproof way to get baby pushers off your fallopian tubes. And there will always be THAT person who just doesn’t get it so EC, all I can really say to you is that you might just have to not care how you make people feel or how uncomfortable the situation gets. You are entitled to your decisions and if someone doesn’t like it, they can eat it.
(Note from Lainey: Jacek sent me an email today. It read: “Please look like this when you are old”. Then he attached a photo of Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren never had kids. Maybe that’s what you should carry around to pull out whenever these people get too up in your womb. Too bitchy?)
I graduated from college a little more than a year ago. When I graduated, I moved back into my parent’s house in my hometown (NYC), and my social life fell into a coma. I only have a few good (if flakey) friends here, and I rarely go out. My 2 best friends/former roommates from college live a few hours away in a different state and I really miss them. We used to go out every weekend, talk for hours, and hunt for guys. Basically I had a normal 20-soomething's social life and a much larger group of friends in my college town.
Here is my dilemma, my parents don't want me to move back to my college town since I've only been back home for 1 yr, and I have a steady AKA grown-up job here. I really miss my college BFFs and social life. On one hand I could stay in NYC, get an apartment with one of my flakey friends next Fall, and hope for a social life or move back to my college town, live with my college BFFs, and find a job. What should I do? Stay or Go? MM
This is an interesting predicament.
For this, I needed to zap myself back to my university days. How I managed to muster up the discipline to actually attend classes when all I cared about was partying my face off, making out with boys and then crying about it afterward. Those days were good….
So I understand what your head space must be like a year later. You're looking back at a time in your life that feels like the best summer camp ever. It's so liberating to be out on your own; then when it’s time to move back home, with your parents no less, you want to shoot yourself in the face.
But keep in mind, the real reason you (or your parents) fork over thousands of dollars for college is not so you can learn how to master Millennium Pong - it’s for that thing they call a "higher education". So as much as you miss your homies and want a full social calendar I think that you need to give your hometown one more year. And when I say ‘hometown’ I feel like I’m making it sound like butt-f*ck nowhere, but Jesus, you’re living in New York City —most people would turn tricks to live there. Just me?
So here’s how I see it. I feel like you need to try and make a real commitment to where you are now—open up, make new friends and also test out this grown up job of yours. I’ve moved solo to a few cities in my life and always thought that initially it would be hard to meet cool people - none could compare to my "real friends" at home. But what was surprising is that I ALWAYS seemed to meet some real keepers - especially through work. So what are the people like at your office? Try and scope out and befriend the normal ones - or abnormal ones? Whatever floats your boat.
Now, I don’t want to f*ck up your life because ultimately the decision is yours, but I do think you should take the pressure off yourself and chill for the moment. My advice would be to give your current situation a real go and if at the end of next year you’re still bored as hell and unfulfilled--then make a move.
Hope this helps and if it does, you owe me your floor the next time I visit NYC.
(Note from Lainey: thank you for all the life/style mail you’ve been sending Sasha. I have dutifully been forwarding to her and will soon have a direct email to her. Keep your questions coming!)
Photos from Wenn.com