September 21, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs
Allison! Happy Birthday from Janet and Nick Jonas!
“To our darling Hope on her birthday,
The blessings of Queen Virgo Beyoncé are truly upon you, with a plethora of JonBenet specials AND Gossip Christmas delivered just in time for your special day.
You may be blonde racist, and definitely can't tell one generic Chris (or Scott) from another, but this year you handled difficult people and situations with the grace and yes, stealth bitchery that we have come to expect from our fave sophisticated lady.
Your love for true crime everything was well fed by Jerry and Dean, Karen and Georgia, and literally every single podcast and Netflix special you could get your hands on, plus you finally discovered how charming murder in Three Pines can be!
Despite a lack of Idris and Benedict, and "improvements" to the ticketing system, you managed to successfully keep your TIFF rage in check by passing some of it on to our sunny Caymanian.
You are such a great friend, whether you are Googling court schedules, allowing Hamilfans to obsess, offering kitten advice (but how does one stop DJP from stealing delicious calzone?), forgiving people for forgetting Cheddar, or acquiring Adele tickets!
So on your birthday, pull up your old lady blanket, pour yourself ALL the wine, and make sure the men in your house treat you like the leggy sophisticated land mermaid you are.
We love you and we like you Hugsy. Happy birthday! Xoxo