September 30, 2015 – Smutty Shout-Outs
"Happiest of birthdays to our feisty, beautiful, and amazing Denise, from all of her Gossipy friends. We know that this year will bring you great things, starting with the completion of your home renos very soon (suck it, neighbours, those lights are gorgeous and they're staying).
Today we raise a glass of wine spritzer to you. For being such a supermom that you didn't even elbow your kids out of the photo op with Donaldson. For taking on a circus full of monkeys who care a lot about bath mats (um, kind of too much, maybe?). For learning from your missteps and putting something stronger in place (Flip flops. We're talking about flip flops here. Just to be clear).
Because who else would manage to track down Johnny Depp at TIFF, and still have the leftover strength to look deep inside her heart to try and forgive Tom Hardy for his recent assery (and by "heart", we mean "pants", obviously), all while maintaining her sanity, her flawless kicky bob, and the beautiful family that she's built? What we're trying to say is that you are the embodiment of that famous Maya Angelou quote. No, not that one. This one: "Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."
To aid you in all the ass you'll kick this year, here are a goofy Michael Strahan, an incredibly well-timed photo of Rafa, the only person you WOULD have shoved Donaldson out of the way to get to, some Idris since you missed him at TIFF, and Tom Hardy blatantly pandering to you with a doggie.”