Smutty Surgery Articles

Celebrity plastic surgery, liposuction, and other cosmetic procedures.

Granny Freeze: the Miracle of Modern Medicine

April 23, 2008 06:08:00 Posted at April 23, 2008 06:08:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In more ways than one. Have you ever seen a woman work bump the way Gran is working her bump? Last week her bump was a molehill. This week is a bubbling volcano. Nicole Kidman spoke at a UNIFEM press conference yesterday at the UN and bordered on Rossum with her incessant bump-highlighting antics that had some people distracted and others wondering why she didn’t just hire a man to walk around with a neon arrow point at her belly. Full Story

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Granny at the Game

April 17, 2008 06:53:00 Posted at April 17, 2008 06:53:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As a typical Canadian, for the last 2 weeks, the only thing on tv is hockey. First round is always the most fun. Am particularly amused by how Sidney Crosby is trying to grow a moustache. Only Orlando Bloom has fewer whiskers. Last night, Detroit at Nashville, Granny Freeze and Keith Urban were watching from a box… and at one point, across all feeds in Canada and the US, the camera panned over to Gran and Keith who were “caught” in an intimate moment. Full Story

Before & After Botox

March 31, 2008 06:30:00 Posted at March 31, 2008 06:30:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Holy mother of all f&ckedupness. Take a look at Lara Flynn Boyle. If you can stomach it…take a close look at Lara Flynn Boyle. Those of you with kinder hearts will perhaps plead her case by calling this some kind of disorder. Those of you, like me, who are going to hell will call this a direct result of punishing your body by not eating, for years not eating, and by mangling your face with injections. Full Story

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The Mystery “O”

March 25, 2008 10:00:00 Posted at March 25, 2008 10:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thanks to the lovely, lovely reader who sent this in yesterday after watching The View. A curious little slip by Whoopi Goldberg – anyone else happen to catch it? It was during the Hot Topics segment, the hens were clucking about body image and magazines – how celebrities claim they stay in shape through healthy diets and yoga and personal trainers when in reality, it ends up being achieved on the surgeon’s table, nips and tucks… Whoopi posits, something to the effect of: “Yeah, what they don’t tell you is they are getting it all cut off!” And then Joy objects – “But Whoopi, they can’t get it all cut off – their face would still be fat. Full Story

Hurts to Look

March 25, 2008 07:47:00 Posted at March 25, 2008 07:47:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

If you tell me your first instinct when seeing Renee Zellweger isn’t to put a hand to your own face like you’ve been burned… I won’t believe you. Don’t lie. Because it hurts to look at her. It hurts to imagine what she’s done to it. How hard she’s scrubbed it. Full Story

SnapFace Finds a Gay

March 24, 2008 06:19:00 Posted at March 24, 2008 06:19:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Renee Zellweger and her overpeeled-to-the-point-of-snapping face pictured here on Friday with what the paps are claiming is a new boyfriend. Ummm… Is Gaydar a dying art? This, to me, is not a lover’s clasp. This, to me, is a faghag clasp. This is how my main ‘mo Darren and I stroll down Pacific before heading into Pure Nail Bar for our manicures and pedicures. Full Story

Granny Freeze: Photoshoot at the Beach

March 18, 2008 06:47:00 Posted at March 18, 2008 06:47:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So Granny’s bodyguard beat the sh*t out of a photographer last week and not a word of it in any of the papers or the weeklies. Coincidence or conspiracy? Consider this: Nicole Kidman is super tight with Rupert Murdoch. Full Story

Granny Freeze Bat Attack!

March 13, 2008 21:16:00 Posted at March 13, 2008 21:16:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thank you for all your emails about the Daily Mail’s analysis today of Nicole Kidman’s Bat Face. No joke. They actually compared her to a bat. Because of the freeze, of course. Because Gran can’t lay off the Botox. And they recruited a top Botox specialist to assess her work. He subsequently railed on her for giving Botox a bad name, for over-using and ruining her face, effectively turning it into the possum of the night. Full Story

Granny Freeze, StepMother?

March 12, 2008 09:25:00 Posted at March 12, 2008 09:25:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

5 shots of Botox won’t freeze the sting of this one! A Nashville entertainment reporter by the name of Jimmy Carter says that Keith Urban has been contacted by the tabloids following up on a story that some Australian woman is claiming he’s the father of a love child sired in Australia back in the 90s. Full Story

Sister Freeze

March 11, 2008 10:44:00 Posted at March 11, 2008 10:44:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman has a frozen sister! Check Meg Ryan last night with Tom Hanks at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame event. Like Nicole, Meg’s once beguiling features have now grotesquely morphed into wax and ice. Meg’s advantage however is that she has good hair. Always has had good hair. Full Story