Some things you can’t be gentle about
I have a slight dilemma and would like your advice. I have a crush on a guy at work. It started out as a small crush but it has grown substantially over the last several months. We email each other regularly (sometimes work-related and sometimes not) and spend time chatting in our respective offices. We talk about fitness mostly, but often it is just fun banter. There have been times where we've e-mailed before or after work hours and occasionally, on a weekend.
We get along great, have a similar sense of humour, and generally enjoy each other's company. I get the feeling that the crush might be mutual, which is exciting, and I think about him all the time. The only problem is, he's married. I KNOW! Before freaking out, let me assure you that no lines have been crossed, per se. There has been no inappropriate conversation or anything like that. For all I know, he might not even be aware of my crush on him (though I think it's fairly obvious). I guess the reason I'm writing to you is for advice on how to deal with this. I enjoy our banter and don't want it to end, but on the other hand, he's not available and I'm likely just setting myself up for disappointment. Thoughts? Please be gentle. J
J, have you read my column before? If the answer is yes, well girl, you know how I feel about this. Look, I’m telling you right now, this will only lead to one big pile of steaming sh-t. Cross my heart.
Now I’m not saying once a person is married their flirting urges are neutered. Quite the contrary, I’m actually totally down with some good harmless flirt sessions. It happens, it feels good, and that’s ok. But there is a line, and the two of you are on your way to crossing it. All it takes is one drink after work, for it to turn into a regular weekly thing, and then before you know it you’re super canned one night and his dick is in your mouth. Wanna know what comes next? You crying your eyes out to your friend when he stops talking to you. For real.
Just to make sure I’m not being abstract, let me break this down to you from this angle. Is he going to leave his wife for you? NO. Will you only get hurt if you carry this on? YES.
That’s as gentle as I get.
Keep sending me your life questions to firstname.lastname@example.org ! xx