Spons’d Tingles: GET UP CLOSE with Alan W!

September 8, 2009 13:17:16 Posted at September 8, 2009 13:17:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thank you so much to all of you for your submissions to the TIFF BFF contest sponsored by P&G BEAUTY.

Loved reading them all!

We were very very appreciative of your enthusiasm for this idea. As such, there will be more opportunities for more events and, of course, prizes.

Honourable mentions go to Bella from KStew411, Bennett B, Jacquie S, and especially Matt M and Jessica D.

This time however the bloglight belongs to …

Alan W.

For his concise wit, yes, but mostly for his courage. Alan had the courage to shame himself before a gossip audience around the world by admitting that he not only listens to JailBait but actually SPENT THE MONEY to put JailBait on his iPod.

Party in the USA
My main hag Emily brought over some L’Occitane soap for me tonight and now I’m being forced to watch a musical from 2005 called Once Upon a Mattress starring Carol Burnett, Zooey Deschanel, and Matthew Morrison from TV’s Glee. I’m gay as the day is long, which is why Emily has chosen me as her musical bud. We’ve done Broadway, we’ve done community theatre, we’ve even done High School Musical. But this? I can’t. I won’t.

So instead I am doing up a writing sample for this contest. My topic of choice? Beat Me Mouth. AKA Miley Cyrus. I hate her, but I have a shameful secret to disclose. And that secret lays dormant on my iPod, waiting for Shuffle to land on it and expose me for the fraud that I am.

That secret shame is the song Party In The U.S.A. I can’t stop myself. It’s like working on my night cheese, when I say to myself, “Just one more slice...” Then before I know it, the entire block of Cracker Barrel is nowhere to be found beneath my slanket. Miley Cyrus’ song is that beckoning morsel I know is bad for my lactose intolerance but I just can’t help but enjoy!

Maybe it’s because of these Fire Island gays who filmed their own music video to the tune:

Come on, how can you deny me lines like: “And the Britney song was on” and “It’s definitely not a Nashville party / Cause all I see are stilettos / I guess I never got the memo.” Pure genius, yes?!

They say that once you get the gays, you’ll get everyone else. I’m chalking this one up to temporary insanity and a team of good songwriters. I’m not a 32 year old Hannah Montana fan! Am I?

Alan’s posts will appear regularly during the festival. Alan says he can handle the pressure. So if you want to hatemail bomb him, go ahead. Send them to inquiries@laineygossip.com and start the email with “For Alan:”.

Good luck Alan.

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