More Little Sci speculation

July 7, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at July 7, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
In case you missed it, please click here for yesterday"s offering on the whereabouts of Suri Cruise. It is the celebrity mystery of the moment and definitely something to ponder as you head into your weekend. So as mentioned before, it appears there is yet another angle we haven’t explored, courtesy of Shelley in Toronto. Her unabridged and unedited theory is below: "You also asked for theories on the GMD baby and why it has not yet made an appearance. I put forth that there can only be one reason. Spawn of Katie is indeed spawn of Katie, I agree with you that it was a real pregnancy. But it is NOT SPAWN OF TOM. Did you take psychology back in school? One of the facts that really stuck with me is that babies look WAAAY more like their fathers until the age of 5-6 months. Why? So that their fathers don"t abandon them. Or eat them. Mothers automatically know the babies are theirs (!) so they have a vested interest in keeping the little thing kicking - but the fathers need more of an initial incentive to give a sh*t. And the survival-of-the-fittest law programs babies to take advantage of this. This Psych 101 theory has been backed up by personal observation of all of my reproducing friends. I reach back to old theories that Catholic Katie, realizing she was knocked up and having major qualms about aborting the little feto, with an offer to be GMD"s public paramour on the table. Looks like a good offer at the time, non? Now I"m not a sophisticated enough gossip to know whose bebe it is exactly. I"m sure it"s not, but let"s just SAY it"s Chris Klein"s. Child of Chris and Katie could eventually look enough like a projected child of Tom and Katie to not draw any unnecessary attention, dontcha think? And when they found out it was gonna be a girl they were all the more thrilled - mini-Katie is even easier to "pass off" as theirs. But imagine their shock and horror when baby Suri gives the complete lie to her true (Klein) origin. On a cellular level, she wants her real papa to look after her - and so she"s an absolute carbon copy of him. Isn"t nature wonderful? Nature"s leaving King and Lady Sci stuck with waiting for Baby Sci"s face to change a bit. To head more toward the Holmes side and make this whole sham of a marriage a little less detectable to us unwashed masses." So gossips…what do you think? Does Little Sci resemble someone else? Is THIS the reason behind her absence? And while we"re at it, if we are tossing around possible baby fathers, how about Josh Hartnett. Weren"t they dating for all of five minutes before Katie mysteriously vanished from NYC in April 2005 only to conveniently turn up 2 weeks later, towering over her new guardian? Oh gossips…we could go on for hours, couldn"t we? PS. A moment of vanity on my part and I"ll never, ever win an award so please forgive me and if you can"t bear it, skip to the next RIGHT NOW but can I just say how flattered I am that you have made my term - THE GAY MIDGET DWARF - part of your gossip lexicon? I get emails from all over, not even saying his name, referring to him only as the GMD, and I cannot tell you how truly f&CKING awesome that is, something I never thought would happen when I coined it at the very beginning, back when only 3 people were on the distribution list for this column and writing about gossip was simply a distraction from caring for my ailing, squawking mother. It is truly an honour. Thank you, love you, owe you.
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