The Brange books

October 29, 2009 08:29:54 Posted at October 29, 2009 08:29:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Two books promising salacious never-before-revealed details into the lives of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are due for release this winter. The first is an unauthorised biography by Andrew Morton who wrote Princess Diana’s biography and, most recently, a rather underwhelming exposé on the GMD. Morton claims that Jolie stole her mother’s boyfriend and f-cked him when she was just 16 and that this, understandably, strained their relationship for years. Apparently Angelina finally disclosed this to her brother very recently and now he’s shut her out of his life.

The other book comes from Ian Halperin, the same dude who just a couple of months ago published a Michael Jackson bio, like, 5 minutes after he died. Halperin’s work focuses on “Brangelina” and he too put a lot of emphasis on “new details of (Jolie’s) volatile relationship with and estrangement from her father Jon Voight, her struggles with suicidal impulses, her heroin use, her sexual exploits and her remarkable rise to become an Oscar-winning actress." According to Halperin, Angelina’s "personal lifestyle choices are not only affecting her growing family but causing serious and potentially irreparable tensions with Pitt."

Great. Blame the bitch. Can’t wait.

Because that’s how you sell it, right? Whatever problems may or may not exist between the Brange, it is certain that Brad Pitt has been an active participant. It is well understood in the industry – he is a control freak, he can be ruthless, he is not a pushover, and he plays the media just as often, and maybe more, than anyone else. In this sense, they are made for each other.

But casting the handsome all American man in the role of the villain doesn’t work for anyone. And it certainly doesn’t sell books.

The gorgeous vixen with a troubled past and a f-ck you attitude, now there’s a girl we can all collectively hate. In preying on every woman’s insecurity (my husband will be leave me for the younger, hotter, sexier girl at the office who wants to destroy my life) and giving the Women a common enemy, Brad Pitt is absolved from his own f-ckery, an innocent passenger on the Jolie Devil Express.

So what will we learn?

We will learn that Angelina Jolie was a wild child. She had a lot of sex, did a lot of drugs, messed up a lot of relationships. This is news to me. I had no idea.

We will also learn how the Brange manipulates the press. What a revelation.

And of course we will probably learn about how Angie supposedly shoots up heroin, starves herself, and has threatened to jump off a building if Brad ever leaves her. This is not something we’ve ever read before at the supermarket checkout.

Him? Well he’s perfect, isn’t he? Perfect but infinitely less exciting than she is.

So are Brad and Angelina f-cked up and breaking up?

She’s the most intriguing woman in the business. The more they hate her, the more attractive she is to him. And this is the irony of it all. It’s not the nasty stories that will drive them apart. If anything it would be the mundanity of it all.

But this is the only story that people want to buy. I understand this. Because it’s not interesting if they’re happy. It’s not interesting if there’s no drama. It’s also not fair if two people that perfect don’t have problems. We can’t handle it.

As for what’s really up with the Brange…

Well, two nights ago they were in LA at some save the world book launch event. Photos and more details here.

File photo from Wenn.com

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