The Daily Asian: Michelle Yeoh

May 20, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 20, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
The Daily Asian: Michelle Yeoh Most of you probably know her from Bond. Or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. But Michelle Yeoh has been around the Asian market for years. Even before Jackie Chan made her a star. It’s a pretty good story, I used to love it when my mother told it. I’ll give you the un-Hollywood version, the one from Hong Kong gossip wires – the dirtiest smut ever. Michelle is a former beauty pageant winner in Malaysia. Take it from someone who knows – beauty pageants in Asia are all about the pimp. Especially 20 years ago, which is when she was starting out. I remember watching the Miss Hong Kong event one summer, something I always looked forward to, and having my hopes set on this gorgeous, gorgeous girl named Lee Mei Mei, or something equally generic. Anyway, Mei Mei ended up placing 3rd. The winner was this little shrimp, barely 5 ft 3, and UGLY. I’m not kidding. Like total ass face relative to the others. At the time, not familiar with the wiles of the world, I asked my mother – WTF??? And she was like, “Grow up. That’s life when you try to make a living off your looks. She’s in bed with the president of the association, the network that owns the competition. Who else is going to win? How else do people make it in Hong Kong? That’s why YOU will NEVER have to sell yourself like that. See how lucky you are to be my daughter? See how hard I’ve worked to give you the life you have???” You know she gives me this speech every day??? But I digress. Legend has it, Michelle Yeoh didn’t f*ck her way to the top, but once she was there, she allegedly used what she could to land herself a super rich husband. Dickson Poon. And for a while, she was an incredibly wealthy housewife. Didn’t do much but attend the odd party, appearance. Then they say he slapped her around and cheated on her, at which point she packed up and left, with a smaller settlement than you would have expected. And that is the real reason she went back to work. On Jackie Chan. Apparently it’s the only way to get a job with him. So she did and you know the rest. I’m skipping over some icky triad details etc but you get the picture. She looks like an angel but she certainly doesn’t have an angelic record. Which is actually why I like her so much. Michelle Yeoh is a tough broad in a tough industry where everyone has to whore it up to a certain extent. And contrary to the expectations of my people, she hasn’t made a career out of Hello Kitty mental retardation – squealing on command and lobotomising half her brain for the sake of looking “cute”. She’s also absolute gorgessity with interesting features and timeless, timeless style. I love her. I’m a huge fan. And if I see her this weekend, I think I just might offer up my husband at her altar. Anything for a friend, you know what I mean? Most of you probably know her from Bond. Or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. But Michelle Yeoh has been around the Asian market for years. Even before Jackie Chan made her a star. It’s a pretty good story, I used to love it when my mother told it. I’ll give you the un-Hollywood version, the one from Hong Kong gossip wires – the dirtiest smut ever. Michelle is a former beauty pageant winner in Malaysia. Take it from someone who knows – beauty pageants in Asia are all about the pimp. Especially 20 years ago, which is when she was starting out. I remember watching the Miss Hong Kong event one summer, something I always looked forward to, and having my hopes set on this gorgeous, gorgeous girl named Lee Mei Mei, or something equally generic. Anyway, Mei Mei ended up placing 3rd. The winner was this little shrimp, barely 5 ft 3, and UGLY. I’m not kidding. Like total ass face relative to the others. At the time, not familiar with the wiles of the world, I asked my mother – WTF??? And she was like, “Grow up. That’s life when you try to make a living off your looks. She’s in bed with the president of the association, the network that owns the competition. Who else is going to win? How else do people make it in Hong Kong? That’s why YOU will NEVER have to sell yourself like that. See how lucky you are to be my daughter? See how hard I’ve worked to give you the life you have???” You know she gives me this speech every day??? But I digress. Legend has it, Michelle Yeoh didn’t f*ck her way to the top, but once she was there, she allegedly used what she could to land herself a super rich husband. Dickson Poon. And for a while, she was an incredibly wealthy housewife. Didn’t do much but attend the odd party, appearance. Then they say he slapped her around and cheated on her, at which point she packed up and left, with a smaller settlement than you would have expected. And that is the real reason she went back to work. On Jackie Chan. Apparently it’s the only way to get a job with him. So she did and you know the rest. I’m skipping over some icky triad details etc but you get the picture. She looks like an angel but she certainly doesn’t have an angelic record. Which is actually why I like her so much. Michelle Yeoh is a tough broad in a tough industry where everyone has to whore it up to a certain extent. And contrary to the expectations of my people, she hasn’t made a career out of Hello Kitty mental retardation – squealing on command and lobotomising half her brain for the sake of looking “cute”. She’s also absolute gorgessity with interesting features and timeless, timeless style. I love her. I’m a huge fan. And if I see her this weekend, I think I just might offer up my husband at her altar. Anything for a friend, you know what I mean?
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