The Disappointing Lake House
June 18, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 18, 2006 12:00:00
Is it good or bad when you laugh at the parts that are supposed to be sad??? So there we were, me and Darren, faghag and homo, out for a chick flick, expecting to be Notebooked by Sandy and Keanu"s latest but instead of blubbering with love and tears, we spent the entire time struggling to maintain composure, fighting HARD not to become one of those annoying moviegoers who ruin it for everyone else. I know. I know what you"re going to say. You"re going to say - what did you expect? It"s KEANU REEVES??? But here"s the thing - I adore Keanu Reeves. And maybe it"s this adoration that always wipes out my memory until it"s too late to get a refund. Because I always go into a Keanu Reeves experience expecting something better. And I always come out of a Keanu Reeves experience reminded of how horribly dumb he is onscreen. He might not be dumb in real life and I"m aware he"s spent his entire career overcoming Bill & Ted but it"s not just history, gossips…it"s HIM. It"s everything! It"s his dumb gait - the way he walks as though he has to remind himself every step of the way that the right foot should go before the left, that A comes before B, and B before C, that snow is cold and fire is hot, a walk that perfectly complements his voice - a voice equally bereft of conveying any authentic emotion other than "duh" in front of the camera, to the point where just watching him attempt to "sneeze" convincingly elicited a bout of giggles that took nearly 5 minutes to quell. I"m telling you - it was painful. Torture in fact. But you know what? If they made another movie, I"d STILL pay to see it. So at the end of the day - am I not the dumbest of them all??? Anyway, here"s Sandy and her husband in NYC over the weekend, looking better lately than she has in months, keeping us wondering about whether or not she"s having his baby. Is it wrong of me to say I don"t care? Not because I"m not a fan but because I am. And since she"s not the kind of famewhore who invites this kind of speculation, the result is it really doesn"t matter, does it? Are you listening Britney???