The Queen & Her (only) Heirs

June 6, 2012 14:47:36 Posted at June 6, 2012 14:47:36
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Getty, FameFlynet

All I remember reading in advance about the balcony appearance and flypast was that the Queen would be accompanied by “senior members of the Royal Family”. Senior means only the Waleses? There’s always something new to learn, see? Just Charles with his wife and children, the heir and the heir’s heir and his spare. If Kate were pregnant that would be a much more complicated sentence. But the point is - this was Charles’s moment too, as if the Queen was taking advantage perhaps of one of her final super grand opportunities to fully endorse her eldest son as the proper.

How does it go down when Prince Andrew is told that he’s not welcome there? Or would he not have assumed it? I dunno. Did you read that Vanity Fair article on Andrew last year? When you have a few minutes - here. On second thought, maybe that’s why the Queen didn’t want him there. You could tell from the brief interviews with him on the BBC’s The Diamond Queen (did you watch it this weekend, Americans? It finally aired on BBC America!) that he’s a buffoon, straight up. 

But these English Royals, on these occasions, they know how to get their sh-t right, don’t they? I was there last year for the wedding. I watched as, literally, half a million people made their way from the Abbey towards the mall and Buckingham Palace as another half million came from other directions. And I still don’t understand how they kept it so civilised. Punctual too! Look at these images. Look at what they were looking at. Can you imagine being up there on that balcony, opening the doors, and seeing THIS?

As for those of you who’ve been emailing about the relationship between Kate and Harry given that some of those raggy British publications are already starting to sell papers with it...

Please.

Don’t do that.

Don’t diminish Good Gossip by doing that.

Would I be down with a dirty old fashioned family scandal? Of course! But you have to understand your players. Catherine Cambridge is the most pragmatic, tightly clenched, self controlled royal bride we have seen in a long, long, long time. This girl schemes to be Queen. She’s been doing it for a decade. At this point she’s so committed to it at it she’s even mastered her diet, avoiding meat and pasta and potatoes for several years. If we were to believe that Kate would be capable of anything illicit, and with Harry no less, we would also have to believe that she has it in her, that she can be wild, that she has a streak of something mischievous, even dangerous. Ummm...

Her???

Catherine is many things. One of them is BORING. THAT’s where your gossip is in this situation. And besides, you think she’d throw that away for her ginger brother-in-law who can’t stay awake during Thanksgiving service?

But I do wonder how they’ll handle this, if they do at all. It’s senseless, stupid speculation and probably best ignored. But will Kate be able to resist? She’ll read it and she’ll react. Will she shut it down? Will they start putting Harry on the other side of William from now on? Will she resist the urge to speak to Harry in public, barely acknowledge him, never smile in his direction?

That’s what you watch going forward. Not whether or not Kate and Harry are side-f-cking (ridiculous!) but how and if Kate, so hyper-aware of her image, so calculated about maintaining it, will call her next play in response to the inevitable rumours.

Oh and here’s something else to observe:

Did you watch the flypast yesterday? The height difference between the old royals and the young royals cracks me up. More people could totally have been invited up there if Her Majesty had wanted it. They always say that the young royals are elevating the Monarchy. But I wonder if it might not be more true to say that Will, Kate, and Harry are actually elevating their father and stepmother. Charles and Camilla have benefited the most from this royal win streak the last two years, non?

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