Tintin the Monstrous

May 18, 2011 08:31:43 Posted at May 18, 2011 08:31:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Written by Sarah


If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve probably seen me talking about the 3D nightmare mo-cap monsters of The Adventures of Tintin, the adaptation of the mid-century Herge comics (does anyone even know who/what Tintin is these days, and do they really care if they do?) being brought to “life” on film by directors Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson (they co-directed via video conferencing because that’s totally not going to backfire). I say “life” because while the point of motion-capture animation is to render photo-realistic cartoons, what mo-cap actually does is suck the soul out of a person and leave him a cold, empty shell, devoid of all humanity and free will.

When the robots rise against us and starting harvesting our organs for energy, we’re going to look like mo-cap monsters.

The visuals in the first Tintin trailer are stunning. They really are. Mo-cap has come a long way in the last decade. It’s beautiful to look at…until you get a clear shot of Tintin’s dead, soulless eyes. Mo-cap can do a lot of things, most notably realize humanoid movement in non-human entities, like Gollum in Lord of the Rings. What mo-cap can’t do, still, is create a non-terrifying human being. Show me a mo-cap “actor” and I will show you a creature that needs to be killed with fire till it’s dead.

I question the point of a Tintin movie on several levels. I think modern audiences are too cynical for the kind of whimsical adventures Tintin and his dog, Milou, share. I’m not convinced there’s a significant body of people demanding a Tintin movie (at least in America—there’s a good chance this performs well overseas). I certainly don’t think Tintin: Monsters in Fantasyland with Ships and Stuff will justify its eleventy-billion dollar budget. Also, I hate 3D. It serves no purpose. I have yet to see a movie that incorporates 3D in a way that makes it integral to the narrative and not just a visual gimmick that distracts from what is a likely and otherwise sh*t movie (I’m looking at you, Tron: Legacy).

Tintin: The Movie Nobody Asked For is bringing its mo-cap monsters and 3D nightmarescape to theaters just in time for the holidays. So bring your family to the theater for a good old fashioned fright fest starring What Jamie Bell Would Look Like If He Sacrificed His Soul And Was Doomed To Wander The Earth For All Time.

Trailer

Previous Article Next Article