Today’s AssTalk from Douchebag
He’s been silent for so long I almost missed him. Then he started writing again and I’m sorry I ever said that.
John Mayer, who else? John Mayer Douchebag has written for the Huffington Post and, as usual, what he’s produced is as Rossum as it gets. Like he sat down at his Mac with his word list on his corkboard and endeavoured to draft an article that somehow manages to fit in every one.
There’s nothing wrong with erudition, of course, but it’s the vocabulary equivalent of label overkill, you know what I mean?
It’s That Girl walking down the street – in Vancouver you see them all around Yaletown – with a Chanel quilted bag and gold double C’s of course, and Chanel ballet flats, and Chanel sunglasses, with a Chanel scarf tied around her neck too.
This is John Mayer’s article.
And what’s even more offensive is perhaps his MISuse of certain words too. I’m not entirely sure he intended ENTHUSES the way it’s been shoved in below:
“That's why hope is a worthwhile commodity. To those who question whether hope is a tangible product worth building a campaign around, I'd say take a look at despair and how powerful that has been in reshaping how people think and live. I believe the definition of the "hope" that Barack Obama enthuses operates on the unspoken thesis that there has to be a polar opposite to the despair of 9/11.”
It’s not technically incorrect. It’s just…really f&cking extra. Like the word “utilise”. I hate the word “utilise”. Sports commentators love the word “utilise” just because they think the extra 2 syllables on top of the very functional word “use” makes them sound smarter, which is exactly what Douchey is trying to do here.
And then of course there’s his place in the world:
“What Barack Obama says to me is these days are good for something. Just when I'd thought my only role as an adult was to help shoulder the nation through its darkest days (known to us as "the rest of them"), Obama gives me the feeling that I could be alive to witness one of the most brilliant upturns in a country's history.”
John Mayer’s ONLY ROLE AS AN ADULT is to help shoulder the nation?
Say what you f&ck?
And the best part? The best part is that Jennifer Aniston is actually attracted to the man. The way a poli sci freshman would be attracted to the man, this is how she’s attracted to the man.
Click here for his full article. Prepare to be enlightened.