Who’s as perfect as Jennifer Lawrence?
Jennifer Lawrence has been the object of universal love and adoration -- here too, as Duana and I could not get enough of her -- following the Oscars (even though, um, hers probably wasn’t the best performance in the field. Come on. She was good. But was she better than Riva, Chastain, and Watts?). It’s a popularity contest. And no one, right now, is more popular or perfect than Jennifer Lawrence. Except maybe Tom Brady.
It was announced this week that Brady took a pay cut to stay with the Patriots and help them build a better team. Brady agreed to an under-market salary (meaning he’s worth a lot more and other teams would have happily thrown it at him) in pursuit of the ultimate goal: another Super Bowl ring. And then everyone started whipping their dicks out in admiration of his generous sacrifice.
Um, he’s getting $27 million with a $30 million signing bonus on top.
Still, suddenly they were talking about him like he’s a humanitarian. Jim Rome went off on it brilliantly yesterday on his radio show. Only Tom f-cking Brady, right? Only Tom Brady can come out a charitable hero after guaranteeing himself almost $60 million for playing football. At one point, Rome was all like, you know when you wake up from a really great dream and it’s like, sh-t, that was just a dream, and the disappointment sets in?
Well, that doesn’t happen to Tom Brady. He wakes up from a really great dream and…there’s no difference between his life and his dream.
Me, I see it a little differently.
Even my dreams aren’t as great as Tom Brady’s life! Like, I am incapable, consciously or subconsciously, of conjuring a fantasy that would even compare to his reality!
Brady astutely declined to discuss the details of his deal and instead focused his comments on the team:
"I really do just want to win, and that has and will continue to be the reason that motivates me and is the biggest factor in my decision-making process. I don’t want to talk about this on the radio or anywhere else for that matter. Athletes are always talking about money at a time when everyone else is struggling so badly to make it. We all make way more than our fair share. And I just think it reflects poorly on myself and my teammates." (Source)
Sh-t, can you imagine if Tom Brady campaigned for an Oscar?
Attached -- Brady and Gisele Bundchen at the WME pre-Oscar party at Ari Emmanuel’s on Friday night. These two are so good-looking it’s crazy. You know who else was there? Liam Hemsworth. You know who wasn’t there? January Jones. Not that that has anything to do with anything.
Pacific Coast News