The Cruise-ification of Star Jones
January 24, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at January 24, 2006 12:00:00
Memo to Katie Holmes. What are the consequences of marrying a homo??? See Star Jones. She may be thin all of a sudden but the broad is crazier than ever these days, and she is starting to lose it on national television. According to Dlisted, Queer Al"s wife went on a major rant on The View about how much hatemail she"s been getting and how badly she"s being slammed on message boards these days, especially during the last couple of months while she"s been out whoring her ridiculously funny book about weight loss and self discovery. She"s especially pissed because certain bloggers out there have actually referred to her as the c-bomb which, for those of you who don"t know, is the most foul word in the English dictionary synonymous with chacha. And if you still don"t know, you are most definitely too pure for this column so I suggest you stop reading. Anyway, bitch goes off the deep end and starts spewing at the mouth about the venom out there and Elisabeth, ever the innocent Republican, feigns ignorance about the word in question. So Star Jones proceeds to spell out the word - ON TV - with her hands. And Elisabeth STILL wasn"t clear, at which point Star just opened her big mouth and shot the controversial word out there. I repeat. She went on national television, ABC no less, and shouted out the word "c***". Roughneck indeed. Now let this be a lesson to the Stars and the Katies of the world, who blithely walk into such arrangements, for vastly different reasons, but who all exit them in the same, Cruised, crazy way. Take it from your favourite neighbourhood faghag…Me. There is much lifelong fulfillment in having gay friends. (Hello Tim!) But falling in love with them will only bring you heartbreak and insanity, a thousand times over. Save yourself Katie, before you become a Star.