Katie Holmes is so wholesome and so appealing, I’m almost willing to buy what she’s selling. Almost. I’d be more inclined to believe this sh-t, however, if HE wasn’t in the picture - with his too tight tapered pants and his need to lead, Tom Cruise kills Katie’s fetching illusion, and according to The Scoop, Scientological marriage rituals will kill Katie’s self esteem.
The Secrets of Scientology website reports that during the wedding ceremony, the bride is referred to as a “girl” while the groom is acknowledged as the “man” whose duty it is to provide for his new acquisition. Money, you will note, factors prominently:
Abridged vows for the bride: “And do you take/His fortune/At its prime and ebb/And seek/With him best fortune/For us all?/Do you?”
Weird. Is it just me or do those vows sound like they were written by a Chinese person? Do it with an accent…see what I mean?
Sorry, I digress.
Abridged vows for the groom: “Now, (groom"s name),/girls need clothes/And food and/Tender happiness and frills/A pan, a comb,/perhaps a cat/All caprice if you will/But still/They need them./Do you then/Provide?/Do you?”
Girls need food and frills???
Look – I’m no bra burning feminist and ordinarily, I’m not the kind of person who will launch into sanctimonious rhetoric at the opening of a door. But the UNsubtle suggestion here that a woman’s frivolous needs can only be fulfilled by a man’s effort is nothing short of insulting, not to mention archaic and ridiculously juvenile.
Anyway, here’s Katie at the weekend soccer game, joined by Jada Pinkett Smith (where the hell are her friends???), evidently dreaming of pans and combs and cats and other capricious items - items readily available at Barney’s perhaps, where she was headed shortly after, apparently for some last minute wedding outfits before jetting off to Armani’s villa in Italy which is the new rumoured location per Jeanette Walls, though some are saying it’s all an elaborate decoy to conceal where they will really tie the knot.
Ummm…Tom Cruise miss a photo opportunity???
Like the Kidman/Urban nuptials, by the time this thing happens, we’ll all feel like we had a front row seat.