Paris Hilton & Tom Cruise: soulmates in dance
May 31, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 31, 2006 12:00:00
I really, really hope you had a chance to see the Tom Cruise BET dance video before it was pulled down. As I said at the time, it was the greatest moment in television history. This gay man clearly can"t dance. But just when you thought no one could possibly match his ineptitude, along comes Paris Hilton - famous for trolling da club, famous for infecting every party with her diseased black hole and her shameless self promotion, on the eve of launching her first CD, and wouldn"t you know? PARIS HILTON CAN"T DANCE. It is bad, y"all. So bad you almost feel sorry for her. You know during the early days of American Idol? When they show all those awful auditions? And some poor sweetheart from the stix comes in with her outdated hair and her braces and her coveralls and she starts givin"er on Whitney Houston and it"s not funny, it"s just sad, and you can"t look and you have to change the channel because it"s just so heartbreaking? Well watching Paris is like that. Except you can watch and you don"t have to feel badly because it"s Paris and her skitty cooch and can"t someone give this bitch some dance lessons because holy mother of no rhythm, this is a frickin" train wreck. And it is a delight. Please watch, click here and get ready for your Thursday pick-me-up. I particularly like the part where she tries to moonwalk. Solid gold, y"all. Solid gold.