Chicken Fried GMD?

January 15, 2008 00:00:00 Posted at January 15, 2008 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Several media outlets including Gawker and The Huffington Post linked to this video yesterday of Tom Cruise extolling the virtues of Scientology. Shot a few years ago, back when he was still Top Gun hot (ish), a painfully INarticulate GMD describes what he calls the “privilege” of being a Scientologist and then goes on to illustrate that privilege with his batsh*t crazy eyes.

There are several instances of hilarity in the clip, including one part where he closes his eyes and reflects, and then opens them again and suddenly becomes Jerry Maguire.

Seriously… this 9 minute masterpiece has made my life.

More importantly though, it could SAVE Britney’s life. Because as Tom says:

“A Scientologist ... has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them. Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident... you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, we are the authorities on improving conditions... we can rehabilitate criminals. We can bring peace and unite cultures...”

Sweet Xenu – the solution was sitting there right in front of us. Tom Cruise to the rescue, as usual! And remember – Tom doesn’t believe in psychiatry. In fact, according to the Church, psychiatry is evil. Mental illness can oftentimes be cured by vitamins and exercise. And the GMD also once famously said that he can get an addict off heroin in 3 days.

Well giddy’up sister! Time to get on that motorcycle and speed over to Casa Chicken Fried for a dose of Xenu Juice. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves either. Because Tom wants us to know, while of course he’ll ultimately succeed, it doesn’t mean there won’t be obstacles. Please be assured however that he’s more than qualified to accept the mission:

“It is rough and tumble, and it’s wild and wooly, and it’s a blast, it’s a blast, it really is fun because, dammit, there is nothing better than the going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better.

I want to know that I’ve done everything I could everyday, and I think about those people out there who are depending on us. I think about that and it does make me feel that we’ve got more work. I need more help, get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.

I do what I can, and I do it the way I do everything. [laughs] There’s nothing part-of-the way for me."

The video has since been obtained by Radar and removed several times. It is a classic. Click here to view and get ready for chills, chills, chills. But hurry! The video will probably come down fast!

“I will not hesitate to put my ethics in someone else!”

What does that mean???

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