The Gay Midget Dwarf & The Worst Gay Nightmare

September 14, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at September 14, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Well no wonder we’re in the midst of a full frontal hetero assault. Turns out, there is a bombshell brewing, and if this thing blows up – which I’m counting on you to facilitate – we could be privy to the most delicious smutty scandal of all time. No exaggeration. Ah yes… those infamous Pellicano tapes. We were teased with a taste and abruptly cut off. But in the absence of any new information coming from a Morton exposé, a new threat has emerged that will shake the core of the fragile Cruise empire, with shockingly delightful information about cover-ups and shakedowns, all in the name of undercover gaygays. But then again, according to the MiniVan Majority, Tom Cruise is as straight as Tori Spelling is ugly… right? Well, not if you believe Paul Barresi, and through him, not if you believe Big Red. Paul calls himself “Pellicano’s Enforcer”, claiming to have worked with Pellicano and the Hollywood underbelly to perpetuate the celebrity star machine by any means necessary. As it happens, Paul is writing a book chronicling his adventures, and his most interesting adventure has to do with none other than a porn star/stripper/prostitute by the name of Big Red who says he has serviced, among others, Jason Priestley, Antonio Banderas, Garth Brooks, and Randy Travis (random…but whatever… why not homo country, you know what I mean?) Anyway, Big Red’s biggest coup by far was none other than Tom Cruise with whom he shared a rough and tumble evening a few years ago in London … LITERALLY! Apparently Tom was dressed in a unitard with a riding cap, perched in front of what looked to be a wrestling mat and as Big Red tells it, for 2 hours, the two engaged in all kinds of naughtiness, from throwing each other around to touching to finishing and more. Now I want you to pause and think about this. Close your eyes and imagine Top Gun, dressed in nothing but a unitard, a dainty equestrian helmet on his head, waiting to play with a boy. Are you killing yourself??? Click here for more on the story – a detailed, detailed, DETAILED description of the encounter and the cloak and dagger hush operation that ensued. Me? If it"s not a hoax... I believe every f&cking word… Enjoy! And thanks to LA in LA for the tip.
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