Tom Cruise Gossip

Tom Cruise gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Presenting Katie 2008!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 10, 2008 06:24:32 January 10, 2008 06:24:32

The very first occasion of the year – and Presenting Katie could not have come at a better time! As you know, the Morton GMD bio is due out next week and while reviews of the book have not been enthusiastic, still the chilling suggestions are beginning to slither into the MiniVan Majority consciousness…though this vision of Katie last night at the Mad Money premiere is sure to make the yummy mummy stroller patrol forget all about the creepy allegations. Full Story

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Andrew Morton Cruise bio: the EW Review

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 9, 2008 14:43:24 January 9, 2008 14:43:24

Entertainment Weekly has the best writers ever – week after week, the magazine is stimulating and readable, every page from front to back, and doesn’t make you feel dirty when it’s over. EW is the best. So EW has just reviewed the Morton GMD bio. The review itself is as entertaining as the information within it. Full Story

Giving the Gift of Xenu

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 9, 2008 11:27:09 January 9, 2008 11:27:09

Of all the stars that Xenu has taken from us, none is more heartbreaking than Will Smith. Who doesn’t love Will Smith? We all love Will Smith. Which is why Xenu and the GMD covet him so. As you know, Will’s friendship with the GMD, allegedly (according to Andrew Morton) Xenu’s #2, continues to blossom. Full Story

Her Eyes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 8, 2008 10:50:44 January 8, 2008 10:50:44

Just want to quickly revisit Katie from last night’s Critics’ Choice Awards. She is a knockout. Undeniably. And but for the hair, she cuts an elegant, elegant figure. But the eyes. I feel Xenu looking at those eyes. Wonder if the GMD gave her an extra dose of Xenu Juice before going out all by herself just to make sure she behaved. Full Story

Granny Freeze is Fertileā€¦ Finally!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2008 16:35:48 January 7, 2008 16:35:48

After denying it last week, Nicole Kidman’s publicist has confirmed – Granny Freeze IS indeed fertile! And Keith Urban has successfully fulfilled yet another clause in his contract. Well done mate! This is beautiful news on many fronts. Benefits of Granny Freeze’s Fertility:1. finally it puts to rest that ridiculous Urban Legend, the one so many of you have emailed about – the one about your uncle who knows a doctor who went to a medical conference where they presented on hermaphrodites citing Granny as an example. Full Story

More from the Morton GMD Exposé!!!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2008 11:17:41 January 7, 2008 11:17:41

It’s a long summary but well worth the read and chills, chills, chills. Could Little Sci have been conceived by the Founder Sci L Ron Hubbard??? Is that why she’s called Suri? It"s true, anyone hoping for confirmation of Tom being gay will not be satisfied, as Andrew Morton devotes about 2 pages to the rumours, and only insomuch as how affected he and Nicole. Full Story

The GMD Bracing for Battle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2008 00:00:00 January 7, 2008 00:00:00

Praise Xenu! We were all deflated last month when British reports suggested that Andrew Morton’s Tom Cruise exposé was not going to be published in the UK because it wasn’t scandalous enough…but now it turns out it’s actually not going to be published in the UK because it’s TOO SCANDALOUS and publishers fear that British libel laws will make it too costly for them to defend. Full Story

Need Another Friday Pick-me-up?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 4, 2008 00:00:00 January 4, 2008 00:00:00

Call me Cruise but I miss the GMD. We’re a full four days into 2008 and we’ve yet to be blessed with his crazy. Thank Xenu Mad Money starring Katie Holmes, Diane Keaton, and Queen Latifah is due out in a couple of weeks. Movie premieres mean red carpets. And red carpets mean occasions for Presentation! Can’t wait to usher in a brand new year of Presenting Katie! In the meantime, satisfy yourself with a classic. Full Story

Little Sci & Knut?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 2, 2008 07:36:00 January 2, 2008 07:36:00

What is the GMD up to now? Remember Little Knut? He’s not so little now but when he was little he made international headlines because his mother rejected him and he was raised by his trainer at the Berlin Zoo. At the time, some animal rights activists were advocating for him to be euthanised believing he would otherwise grow up unnaturally. Full Story

Presenting Katie Holmes: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 31, 2007 00:00:00 December 31, 2007 00:00:00

2007 was the year we were introduced to the new Cruise patented move: the Presentation of Katie Holmes. Red carpet after red carpet, the GMD would arrive at some event with his robobride in tow, and like a proud father at the cotillion, Tom would “present” his wife with cameras flashing. It is at once awkward, and weird, and creepy, and f*cking hilarious. Full Story

The GMD Sweat & Grind: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 21, 2007 11:41:52 December 21, 2007 11:41:52

To welcome the Beckhams to America, the GMD and his Robobride, along with Will and Jada Smith, threw a huge bash. And Tom and Katie decided to get down on the dance floor. Rare is it to see a homo not only dress badly but also groove badly. But in the GMD’s case, his poor gaygay has been suppressed and audited for so long, his funky ‘mo senses are warped, resulting in this abomination captured on camera. Full Story