Tom Cruise Gossip

Tom Cruise gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Ashlee Simpson: Becoming Jennifer Grey

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re devoted to Dirty Dancing, the original of course, in which Baby should never be put in a corner, you should be familiar with Jennifer Grey, once a promising actress with a bright future and a unique, hawkey kinda nose - distinctive, different, delightful. And then she changed it. And something went horribly wrong. Full Story

Monday, August 21, 2006
Dear gossips, I was 12 when I was first introduced to Johnny Depp. Two decades of devotion, two decades spent admiring his ascent from bubble gum appeal to universal appeal, across sexes, across ages, across acting genres, and at 43…only getting better. In other words: bad news for the GMD. Because never mind the gaygay gossip, never mind the missing child, never mind the Katie hypnosis…never mind all that. Tom Cruise’s biggest problem is Johnny Depp – Johnny Depp owns the box office, Johnny Depp owns Teen Choice, Johnny Depp owns Ladies Choice, Queer Choice, and above all, Johnny Depp owns Hollywood. Suck on that TomTom. In today’s post-awards issue: fashion assy and fashion classy; Lindsay’s new protégé; smelling Beckham; admiring Katie; celebrating KFed; and reassurance about the Family Pitt.

Best Trailer Tranny: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 21, 2006 12:00:00 August 21, 2006 12:00:00

Three hundred costume changes, one set of stubby legs, a stylist that should be fired, and the cheapest, cheapest red carpet number of the evening. Why in F&CK does this girl always get it so wrong??? I’m not going to bother dissecting the nightmare. You can see if for yourselves. You can see how the material bunches up in the most unflattering manner around her boobs, to say nothing of the colour. Full Story

A Compliment for Katie

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 18, 2006 12:00:00 August 18, 2006 12:00:00

I have no quarrel with Katie Holmes. After all, is she not the ultimate victim in this war? Let"s leave our quarrels with her master and extend some credit where credit is due. Because when all is said and done, Katie Holmes is not only a beauty, she is also a mannered beauty - and as you can see from the Alba example, mannered beauties seem hard to come by these days. Full Story

Dear Penelope: you"re dead to me

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 17, 2006 12:00:00 August 17, 2006 12:00:00

I asked yesterday if we could offer her a reprieve, if we could properly determine adequate punishment for her brief scientological psychosis, and if so, what that would entail. Turns out such a discussion isn"t necessary. Full Story

La Lohan and the new reform

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 16, 2006 12:00:00 August 16, 2006 12:00:00

Ah yes. The neverending debate. As much as some of you can"t understand why I still think they"re real, I can"t understand why you still they aren"t. They hang. They droop. It"s a 20 year old droop as opposed to a 40 year old droop but it"s a droop all the same. Full Story

Little Sci: the sighting

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2006 12:00:00 August 14, 2006 12:00:00

Conspiracy theorists, myself included - we all lost our sh*t late last week when X17managed to score themselves a few aerial shots of Katie by the window with a baby presumably nestled behind her. Praise Thetan, ah-Xenu…is this Little Sci? If you really look closely, you can make out a diaper, a body, and a very, very large head which, naturally, has done nothing to assuage the fake infant claims, now that everyone is hollering that it"s probably just a plastic doll. Full Story

Little Tokyo: the rumour

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2006 12:00:00 August 14, 2006 12:00:00

Cue usual disclaimer: dear legal eagles - below is gossip, conjecture, silly smut…the ramblings of a complete psychotic. Totally unbelievable because your client has singlehandedly redefined virile, especially when it comes to pumping his punch on the playground. Read on… There is the most delicious blind item floating around, one that has resulted in a motherload of your emails, courtesy the clever, dirty, genius gossips at Holy Moly Full Story

Little Sci"s Vanity Fair

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 10, 2006 12:00:00 August 10, 2006 12:00:00

It"s working, isn"t it? The more they hide it, the more we want to see it. The longer the mystery, the louder the clamour. We have effectively KEPT the GMD at the forefront of our gossip consciousness for the entire summer, y"all! And Buddha help me, he hasn"t done a frickin" thing!!!!! Come on, gossips…just admit it. Full Story

Jessica Alba: a warning from the Goddess

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 10, 2006 12:00:00 August 10, 2006 12:00:00

Next to the likes of Tori Spelling and Heather Mills, Jessica Alba"s sins might be slight. But like all breeds of fungus, this bitch is growing exponentially and the Goddess is watching, waiting, and warning. For a refresher on the Alba antics, enter "Alba" in the search field and click on go. The quick and dirty? She"s a petty, jealous, mean spirited cow who will not hesitate to spit on the little people and, as I"ve said before, I"ve got over a dozen eager victims lined up and waiting for camera time to share their story on television. Full Story

The FutureSex of Justin Timberlake

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 9, 2006 12:00:00 August 9, 2006 12:00:00

Does this mean he"s turning his back on Rock Your Body and the disco video? According to Popbytes, this is the new album cover. Me? Not feeling the skinny legs. Because although I"m all for long and lanky, it"s been a summer of football thunder thighs and call me Cruise but I"d rather find myself gripped between a set of simmering solid quads than awkwardly leaning against two sticks accessorised by JT"s adolescent undropped balls and the ever present pipsqueak, you know what I mean? Full Story