Tom Cruise Gossip

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Friday, August 25, 2006 Dear gossips, I should be celebrating…but I can"t. It should be a time for triumph and rejoice…but something"s holding me back. Because if there"s one thing people love more than a titan falling, it is a phoenix rising, and where else but Hollywood can the ultimate comeback be constructed? Who understands this better than the GMD? More on that later. Thank Goddess for the Pitts. The Pitts who have, with their own trademark control, shut down all absurd suggestions of a split with one gorgeous, gorgeous outing. Happy weekend indeed. And happiness perhaps for Jennifer Lopez? A young teenypop called Jesse McCartney apparently let it slip during a radio interview Thursday. He"s dating a girl who was just cast in Dallas and when asked why J Lo got axed, he said that she hadn"t been, that she was dropped because she"s pregnant. Cue uncomfortable silence and perhaps official confirmation to follow? Stay tuned... Today"s issue: Team Tom fights back, Team Pitt on rumour control, Cam goes dark, Posh goes telly, on Karl, on Julia, on Hayden, and someone, anyone, please stop Matthew McConaughey.

Tom Cruise: Beware the Undersized UnderDwarf

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 25, 2006 12:00:00 August 25, 2006 12:00:00

The front page of several national papers, the evening news, every editorial across the continent, including a scathing article in the New York Times , on every blog, on every entertainment news site, at the water cooler and beyond - in one fell swoop Tom Cruise has gone from Hollywood juggernaut to Hollywood failure. Full Story

Tom & Katie brave the backlash

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 25, 2006 12:00:00 August 25, 2006 12:00:00

Every morning, my dog Marcus wakes up some time between 6:00am and 6:07am because like all beagles, he suffers from perpetual hunger. Lucky for me, I’m the one who usually gets trampled as he launches himself off the bed and into the kitchen, believing that food will have miraculously appeared in his bowl, and even though food has never miraculously appeared in his bowl while I"m still in bed, Marcus begins each day with the same sense of optimism and exuberance that somehow, this time will be different - always unfulfilled of course, but the point is his positivity never wanes. Full Story

Pro-Love for Diaz Dark

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 25, 2006 12:00:00 August 25, 2006 12:00:00

Call me Cruise but I"m all over Cameron Diaz as a brunette, even though you can"t see her entire face and maybe that"s a good thing. Don"t even mind the bitchy scowl either - like an unsightly growth you get used to, the irritation of it eases over time, especially if it"s backed up by such a slammin" body, if not a little manly. Full Story

The Dumping of the Dwarf

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

Again, for the benefit of his eager beaver legal team - conjecture, gossip, rumour, not to be taken seriously, all in good fun…because we do love your client, ok? We love him for his heterosexuality and his heroism, both of which are so potent, it would be pure folly to say otherwise. Praise Thetan, ah-Xenu. Full Story

Pitt Clooney: the modern Cooper Cable

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

More loin quivering madness from the set of Oceans 13. Like art, isn"t it? And something else too. Something so elegantly old Hollywood about George Clooney, perhaps more so when George Clooney hangs with Brad Pitt, reminiscent of the classic old boys" club, even before the Rat Pack and Sinatra"s signature cool, even before the heady Vegas evenings, back in halycon Hollywood when the right to celebrity had to be earned. Full Story

Ashlee Simpson: Becoming Jennifer Grey

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re devoted to Dirty Dancing, the original of course, in which Baby should never be put in a corner, you should be familiar with Jennifer Grey, once a promising actress with a bright future and a unique, hawkey kinda nose - distinctive, different, delightful. And then she changed it. And something went horribly wrong. Full Story

Monday, August 21, 2006 Dear gossips, I was 12 when I was first introduced to Johnny Depp. Two decades of devotion, two decades spent admiring his ascent from bubble gum appeal to universal appeal, across sexes, across ages, across acting genres, and at 43…only getting better. In other words: bad news for the GMD. Because never mind the gaygay gossip, never mind the missing child, never mind the Katie hypnosis…never mind all that. Tom Cruise’s biggest problem is Johnny Depp – Johnny Depp owns the box office, Johnny Depp owns Teen Choice, Johnny Depp owns Ladies Choice, Queer Choice, and above all, Johnny Depp owns Hollywood. Suck on that TomTom. In today’s post-awards issue: fashion assy and fashion classy; Lindsay’s new protégé; smelling Beckham; admiring Katie; celebrating KFed; and reassurance about the Family Pitt.

A Compliment for Katie

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 18, 2006 12:00:00 August 18, 2006 12:00:00

I have no quarrel with Katie Holmes. After all, is she not the ultimate victim in this war? Let"s leave our quarrels with her master and extend some credit where credit is due. Because when all is said and done, Katie Holmes is not only a beauty, she is also a mannered beauty - and as you can see from the Alba example, mannered beauties seem hard to come by these days. Full Story

Dear Penelope: you"re dead to me

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 17, 2006 12:00:00 August 17, 2006 12:00:00

I asked yesterday if we could offer her a reprieve, if we could properly determine adequate punishment for her brief scientological psychosis, and if so, what that would entail. Turns out such a discussion isn"t necessary. Full Story

La Lohan and the new reform

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 16, 2006 12:00:00 August 16, 2006 12:00:00

Ah yes. The neverending debate. As much as some of you can"t understand why I still think they"re real, I can"t understand why you still they aren"t. They hang. They droop. It"s a 20 year old droop as opposed to a 40 year old droop but it"s a droop all the same. Full Story