Tom Cruise’s loving feeling

July 28, 2015 15:10:15 Posted at July 28, 2015 15:10:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Theo Wargo/ NBC/ James Devaney/ Jim Spellman/ Jamie McCarthy/ Andrew H. Walker/ Dimitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images

Tom Cruise is currently promoting Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation. The reviews so far are good, really good – 94% at post time on Rotten Tomatoes. I saw it on Saturday. And, yeah, I agree. First of all, you don’t go into Mission Impossible expecting Birdman. What you want is the spectacle. And since he attached himself onto an airplane EIGHT TIMES, you know already that it’s a spectacle. Rogue Nation is fun. It’s fun the entire time. Sometimes it’s funny too. I quite like the teamwork that goes on in their little spy clubhouse between Tom, Jeremy Renner, Ving Rhames, and Simon Pegg. I really like Rebecca Ferguson, especially because she plays an undercover spy too, and when she’s beating the sh-t out of a dude, you believe that she can actually beat the sh-t out of a dude. That’s not to say her body isn’t sick. That’s to say that her body is actually sick. Like Rhonda Rousey sick. And we don’t see much of that kind of sick in a leading lady.

You know what’s fascinating about Tom Cruise? He doesn’t make me mad when I’m watching his movies. Adam Sandler? He makes me mad. Because he’s careless. Because he’s selfish. Because he has no f-cks to give about taking your $15 and making you feel like you just wasted it. This is irresponsible. And the one thing you can say about Tom Cruise is that, as a filmmaker, he’s not irresponsible. When I got out of my seat, I didn’t feel like he’d pissed around with my attention and my time and my money. Anyway, I have more to say about this because I interviewed Tom Cruise (for the first time) last night in Toronto on the red carpet but I’ll save it for another post because right now, Tom Cruise is doing headstands to sell Rogue Nation.

Last night on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Tom Cruise. Lip Sync Battle. Don’t just watch the cut up segments. Try, if you can, if you have time, to watch the entire battle from beginning to end. And while you’re watching, remember that this is one of the biggest movie stars in the world. There aren’t very many of them at this level. Can you imagine any of them doing this? Julia Roberts let Jimmy throw a giant bubble against her face. But I’m not sure she would lip synch to Roy Orbison. And I doubt George Clooney would. And while Brad Pitt played “Ricolaaaaaa” with Jimmy one time, do you think he’d take the mic stand and go full Sinatra on Come Fly With Me? There is no way Leonardo DiCaprio’s throwing down My Heart Will Go On with a chest thump either, although that would be f-cking awesome and if he actually did it I promise I’ll never sh-t on him for his Coachella moves ever again.

But, yeah, no. They wouldn’t. Because, to them, it’s a major risk.

To Tom Cruise?

Well, it’s a rehearsed performance. He’s channeling Stacee Jaxx. If you told me he had a choreographer for this who worked on it with him for a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t doubt you. Because Tom Cruise doesn’t go rogue anymore. Ten years ago, he went rogue on a couch and it cost him. So these days, when Tom goes rogue, he practises first. (The control room would have to know which camera to cue when he turns his head, that’s your first giveaway.) What you’re getting then in these 10 minutes is basically a Tom Cruise short film. It’s Rogue Nation, the short version. Edge Of Tomorrow, abbreviated. And, of course, Pete Maverick. He wants you to remember he could handle a bathroom counter. He’s the guy you thought you wanted to make out with in the back of the car at a New Jersey drive-thru, before experience taught you what was real and what wasn’t. Not going to lie though. I never, ever thought he’d pick The Weeknd.

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