An Ally for Lilo?
August 7, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 7, 2006 12:00:00
Who can out-drama Lindsay Lohan these days? My girl is owning it and she is living it and like all spoiled celebrities, she has now taken to complaining about it. Praise Goddess - what would smut be like without Lilo? I"m sure you"ve heard the latest, right? Lindsay swarmed by pappies as she was leaving The Ivy the other day (see attached), prompting an anguished email to Perez Hilton, lamenting her fate, a desperate plea for compassion, even though she just happened to be breaking bread at THE place to go if and when you need to be noticed. Case in point, where do you think Bennifer v.1 showed up on the day they cancelled their wedding? There was a LOT of blush, she tried to put up a brave front, it wasn"t convincing but it was a message loud and clear: we want you to know we"re still together. Therefore, we have come to the one place where we know you"ll see us. The same place Lilo parked herself just minutes before those "g-d damn people" made her "scared, anxious and sad". Ah yes…the victim card. Clearly a lesson learned from Mother Firecrotch. After all, isn"t the crutch move a sure sign of proper parenting? But…as you know… I have a soft spot for the Lohan. Something about the Lohan keeps me around. Which is why I want the best for her. And if her pathetic excuse for a mother can"t do the best for her, perhaps a pretend one might do the trick. Fresh rumours just hit my smutty ears - something about Jamie Lee Curtis being recruited to provide some tough love for our misguided little girl. So far I"m told, her attempts have been spurned. Lindsay is still riding an invincible wave and until rock bottom connects with her freckled one, every piece of advice is likely going to fall on deaf ears. And THAT, my friends, is why many Hollywood players are turning this into a bet - a Vegas odds style wager to see when, not if but when, Lilo crashes and burns. Smart money says 6 months. I say hurry the f&ck up so we can get the comeback on the road. I"m telling you…this girl is a phoenix!